Fury of the Storm
by InfinityOrNone
Summary: Dead fic: now up for adoption.
1. It Begins

**Me: HI PEOPLES!**

**You: HI ION**

**Me: Thank you, thank you. Now, I welcome you to the first chapter of **_**Fury of the Storm**_**, a Naruto fanfic. If you were looking for a dark-Naruto fic with bits of romance and a LOT of killing, then you came to the right place! If, on the other hand you were looking for pants without hats, scrape the crud out of your eyes!**

**Shiki: Shut it and get to the story!**

**Me: YOU! I haven't introduced you yet!**

**Shiki: Exactly! I WANT TO EXIST!!!**

**Me: Fine. I don't own Naruto or anything else I use. This is the only time I'll write this, so learn it, live it, love it.**

Konoha Gate

The village had just gone through hell a few months ago, with the Suna/Oto attack, and the loss of its shinobi. And then they had the attack by Uchiha Itachi and his partner in the Akatsuki, and the occasional death during reconstruction, but that was nothing compared to the massive blow in moral due to one boy. Uchiha Sasuke had gone AWOL. At this, a team of equal rank shinobi was dispatched to take him home, but met heavy resistance. And so we find all of the Konoha 12 shinobi and sensei who weren't gone due to Sasuke related matters (except Shino) waiting at the gates, in addition to a large crowd of civilians.

"I hope Sasuke-kun comes back OK," said the blond whore, Yamanaka Ino.

"I'm sure that with all those people helping him, even Naruto-baka could manage to get Sasuke-kun to come home! SHANNARO!" said Ino's pink haired whore counterpart, Haruno Sakura.

"I'm sure you're right Sakura," said a man with dirty white antigravity hair and an aura of lazy perversion. That man was named Hatake Kakashi.

"Hey, what's that?" Shouted Tenten, a girl with brown hair in buns that made her look kind of like a panda. A panda that had an unhealthy obsession with sharp and pointy objects and the third of the Sannin.

And, lo and behold, in the distance, a small shape was growing and taking form. It was Naruto Uzumaki, ninja of Konoha and Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Yoko, the 9-tailed fox demon that attacked the village 13 years ago. He currently was covered in bruises, cuts, scars, and the occasional Chidori hole, but no one but a short, white-eyed girl saw or cared about that. What everyone else saw was the limp figure on his shoulder. It was Uchiha Sasuke, the brooding emo-god/dess with black hair in the shape of a duck's ass. At the moment, he had a few cuts, scratches, and bruises with a bit of blood leaking out of his hair line.

"Sasuke-kun!" shouted the twin whores of blond and pink as they, along with Kakashi, jumped over to them.

"K-K-Kakashi-sensei, m-mission complete," said the spiky blond haired ninja. At this, Naruto handed over Sasuke's limp form to the white haired Jonin, taking care not to 'accidentally' hurt him.

"You did well, Naruto. Sakura, help Naruto to the hospital," said the copy-nin, before teleporting away, Sasuke in hand, followed by all the ninja but Ino. By the end of his life, he would come to realize that was the point in his life that everything went wrong. This is all because Sakura, the moment he was gone, decided to punch him. In the face. And stab him in the Chidori wound with a kunai. A rusty kunai. A _blunt_ rusty kunai. Typically not the recommended medical treatment, but who are we to judge?

"S-S-Sakura-chan, why? I-I b-brought Sas-Sasuke-teme back, j-ju-just like you asked," asked Naruto, eyes glowing with sadness and betrayal. After all, he did everything he could to make her happy.

"I asked you to bring Sasuke-kun back, not a half beaten pulp! Baka, Baka, BAKA!" she shouted, accentuating the word 'baka' with a strike.

"Why don't you just roll over and die, Bakemono! That's right, both Sakura-chan and I know!" shouted Ino, jumping in and kicking him in the face, knocking him to the ground as the civilians threw rocks at him. Of course, this turned out to be a very bad idea, as about 3 seconds after this happened, fiery red chakra enveloped him, slowly constricting until it became a bloody red misty aura around him.

"Monster, eh? So all of you see me as a monster? If that's what all of you see me as, then fine! I'll leave your _precious village_ and never come back, so long as I bear the title Uzumaki! But I promise you, in 13 years, you'll see what a real monster is! Dattebayo." shouted Naruto, his wounds finally beginning to heal at their normal rate. After having screamed this, he ran off, a quickly fading trail of red haze all that evidenced the direction he left in.

"He left. THE DEMON HAS LEFT! EVERYONE! Let's celebrate!" shouted one villager.

"Those girls are heroes!" shouted another. At this, everyone cheered… except one crying, mousy, blue haired girl.

Hokage Tower

"Hokage-sama, the retrieval squad has returned, but most are in critical condition!" shouted some faceless Chunin peon.

"What! Get me their stats now!" shouted Tsunade, the Slug Princess of the Sannin.

"Akimichi Choji is in critical condition from the effects of the red Akimichi food pill. Hyuga Neji is in an equally bad state due to a pair of large holes, one on his shoulder, one in his abdomen.(A/N: Don't know if those are the exact locations) Inuzuka Kiba is suffering from minor cellular decomposition and a stab wound which nicked his stomach. Rock Lee is faced with a minor case of alcohol poisoning. Nara Shikamaru only has a broken finger. But the good news is that Uchiha-sama was brought back with only superficial bruising, chakra burns, and cuts," listed off said Chunin peon.

"And Naruto-kun? What about him?" asked the Sannin, worry evident in her voice.

"The best news of all! The demon spawn was forced out of the village by the heroes Haruno Sakura and Yamanaka Ino!" said the retarded Nin with barely restrained glee at the self-banishment of the village pariah, an action that caused his head to explode due to the 2000 psi punch, delivered by Tsunade.

"Anbu! Find Ino and Sakura and have them delivered to Anko and Ibiki, NOW!" shouted the Hokage, causing the black-ops agents in hiding to appear to perform her request. Of course, after this, another faceless Nin came to tell the village's fire shadow that she was summoned to the council chambers.

Outside the village, unknown location

The Subaku siblings were on their way home from their mission to aid Konoha, but left early due to all the partying over the loss of Naruto. Kankuro never really knew him so didn't feel much, Temari felt disgusted at the fact that they would celebrate not having him around, and Gaara…

_These people are scum! They would dare shun him for imprisoning their greatest foe?_(Yes, he knows. Shukaku told him)_ I only wish I had the chakra needed to bury that hell-hole in sand!_ Thought the sand wielder. Although, considering the fact that he has ungodly power at his disposal, he probably shouldn't have needed to lament.

As they were walking home, they heard a cracking sound and decided to investigate. They'd wish they hadn't. As they got closer to the crack, it grew louder until it sounded like someone was breaking all the bones in some one's body. How right they were. They soon found, laying on the ground in a cave, the body of Naruto, covered in red chakra and writhing in agony.

_Flashback_

_Naruto had just escaped the probable search range of the village and, after finding a sheltered cave, sat down to meditate. As he closed his eyes, he opened them to find himself in the sewer that was his mind. After walking down the familiar corridors for a minute or so, he came across a gigantic cage, with the bars being held shut by a single piece of paper with the symbol for 'seal' on it. And held back by these bars was the form of the monster that dwelled within his nightmares, the Kyuubi._

"_**Gaki, what are you here for? You aren't in danger at the moment so I know it's not chakra you want"**__ said the demon._

"_I'm switching to plan B, you in?" said Naruto._(Don't worry, all will be explained later.)

"_**Fine gaki, but this'll hurt like hell,"**__ said the fox._

"_It'll all be worth it once I can finally take the title I deserve!" exclaimed Naruto as the fox flooded the room with his chakra, bubbling like boiling blood, before the room went black._

_Flashback end_

It was at this moment that they were attacked.

Konoha Council Chambers

The entire council, all 13 civilian members, 12 shinobi, 15 clan heads (just making a number up) 2 advisors, and head advisor Danzou were waiting, and coming to a decision.

"Then it's settled?" asked a shinobi councilman.

"That's right," said Koharu, one of the advisors. It was at this moment that the 61-year-old-who-looks-26 came in.

"What's this about, I need to get to work on getting a retrieval tem for Naruto-kun and healing those Genin!" she shouted. (Man, she does that a lot)

"No, you don't. We of the council have decided that we need to punish the de… Uzumaki for the use of excessive force in bringing back Uchiha-sama," said a civilian member.

"What the hell? How dare y-" she started.

"Lady Tsunade, we're sorry. We know how much you care about the boy, but the opposition was too great to get him out of this. All we were able to do was get him out of the death penalty," said Hyuga Hiashi, who along with about 16 other people had their heads bowed in shame.

"Instead, he has been banished. We will not send hunter-nin out to kill him, as that would probably free the demon fox, but he will not be allowed to return here," said Danzou in an even, emotionless voice.

"Bastards," said Tsunade, glaring at her advisors and the civilian council with kage-level KI.

"In addition, Uchiha Sasuke-sama will be groomed into your successor after he is released from the hospital and his curse mark is re-sealed," said Homura, the other advisor to the Hokage.

"Goddamn bastards! I promise you he will never become Hokage," said Tsunade before storming out of the room. That night, there was a village-wide sake shortage.

Cave outside village

The sand sibs only knew that they had been attacked because of the kunai caught by Gaara's sand, and the tip still poked out of the sand. This was followed by a man jumping out of the tree line into view. He was short, standing about 5 feet even, but was covered in muscles and kunai placed for quick use running down his sleeves, pants, vest, and pack. His head was covered in greasy green hair, sticking up in flat spikes. He was wearing standard beige shinobi pants and a thickened flak vest, and a… Suna headband?

"What are you doing? You do realize that assault on a fellow Suna shinobi is treason, right?" asked Temari.

"It would be, but the village council decided that you all had been infected by the demon and needed to be put down. None of you are sand shinobi anymore," said the Nin Before firing a bullet of water out of his mouth, soaking all of Gaara's sand in one shot, making it useless. Temari, being the first to react to this, threw several shuriken at him before he blocked them. The strange shinobi then rushed forward with rather substandard speed, constantly throwing kunai at them, which were being deflected by gusts of wind chakra created via a large fan. As she deflected the sharp flying pointy thingies of death rain… of death… Kankuro jumped into the trees to hide while he used his puppets to fight and Gaara… Gaara got the hell out of dodge, going to the cave entrance to protect his friend in his unconscious state, and see if the cave had any sand in it that he could use to make more sand.

_Temari POV_

She was in trouble, simple and true. This guy kept running forward while tossing those accursed throwing knives, which somehow absorbed the chakra from her jutsu. By her estimates, he would be right at her in about 48 seconds. Of course, she forgot one very important fact. Steel kunai are very heavy, and he was throwing about 8 per wave, 1 wave every 1.5 seconds. And that quickly reduces the weight of the man throwing them. While not as dramatic, it had the same effect as Lee releasing his weights. And so, he made it there in 15 seconds, pulling out a small tanto to try and take her down with, forcing her to block with her fan's edge, allowing one of the kunai from earlier to lodge itself in her left calf. After disengaging, the two combatants charged each other, hoping to cripple the other for a quick kill but meeting the same results. After clashing one final time, they both were left skidding on the ground. But, while the man was relatively unharmed, Temari sustained damage to her already-been-stabbed leg. And she was made helpless by the throwing blades that _lifted_ her off the ground and pinned her to a tree.

"That was fun," said the man in the tone of voice that haunts the nightmares of all boys ages 5-9 in Oto, "maybe after I kill your brothers, we can have some more 'fun' Temari-chan," before caressing her cheek, leaving her trembling before her world went black.

_Kankuro's POV_

That rat-fucking bastard! That gold-fish dick! He _dared_ to touch his sister like that! This caused him launch trap after trap from his puppets… before they ran out. And the man finally sensed his location. And knocked him out, "Cause' a good puppet master is hard to come by, and if you don't work out we can always sell you to Orochimaru," before dropping his limp form next to his sister and jumping off to find Gaara.

_Gaara's POV_

Damnit, Damnit, DAMNIT, GOD FUCKING DAMNIT ALL TO HELL! Turns out almost all the sand in the cave was turned to glass by a large bundle of glowing red chakra, and the small amount in the cave wasn't from the surrounding rocks, and the bedrock was useless for the same reason. All the sand he had could only form a small 3rd eye, letting him see everything that happened to his family. But, as he was planning, the small amount of sand he had compressing into small balls to be fired at his opponent, he and the sand were soaked by a sudden deluge of water.

"Stupid little demon spawn, totally useless without your sand," said the man stepping into the cave, "and to top it off, I heard that the Konoha civilians will pay more money for this blond gaki's head than the head of Uchiha Itachi."

"Who, who are you?" Gaara said, fear for his siblings and best/only friend plainly evident in his voice.

"If it means that much to you, I'm Sunamaru Kaze, your executioner!" said the Nin, kunai in his hand descending towards Gaara's stunned form…

(Me: Cliffhanger no juts…

Shiki: STOP SHITFACE! *throws shuriken at the author*

Me: NEVERMIND! *runs for my life*)

Before the blade was caught by a pale hand, leaking silver blood. Gaara, shocked that his head was still attached to his neck, followed the hand to its source. Said source turned out to be a tall, lithe, orange-wearing blond with jet black tips.

"I don't know who the HELL you are, but no one hurts my friends (Except Kankuro)!" shouted Naruto, still gripping the blade, before he suddenly vanished, but an imprint of his fist was left in Sunamaru's face. And, one by one, similar imprints appeared on Sunamaru's gut, arms, legs, face, and… other head.(Ouch!) After that though, finally deciding to be merciful apparently, stab wounds emerged on all 7 of the standard vital spots. Finally, Naruto reappeared, and walked up to Gaara.

"So, what's the deal with that guy attacking you?" asked the fox jailor. One explanation later, Naruto said, "Gaara-san, I'm sorry. I guess people just can't accept people like us. But, I'm planning to create a new village. Seeing as you can't go back to yours, want to come with me?" asked Naruto. Gaara then proceeded to say" Yes, so long as you don't do that to me. Ever."

After reawakening the other members of the Subaku trio, they began plans to leave fire country. About 5 minutes into their trek they heard footsteps in the trees behind them. "You my come out, we know that you're there," said Gaara in an emotionless monotone. After about 13 seconds, a small figure came out of the trees. That figure was…

"Hinata?!?" shouted Naruto with disbelief. After all, who wouldn't be shocked at having the shy-est person in the world follow you all the way to the border of Hi no Kuni? Or maybe it was the fact that the area around her eyes was reddish and puffy and she was shaking with barely controlled sobs.

"N-N-Naruto-kun, I-I-I'm s-sorry!" cried Hinata before she enveloped him in a hug, losing all control and crying her eyes out in his chest.

After giving her a moment to calm down, he was finally able to ask, "Hinata, what's going on? Why are you crying for me?" Although he meant it to sound as, 'why are you crying', to her it came out in its real form of 'why would you cry for _me_'.

"I-I they banished you! T-The council said y-you can't ever c-come back!" she cried.

"Hinata-chan, it's OK," said Naruto in a soothing voice, trying to get her to calm down, not even noticing the suffix he had added.(Again, all shall be explained)

"B-But what a-about your dream? You're t-the future Hokage," she said quietly.

"Why would you say that? No one believes me when I say that," the blond ninja responded with sadly.

"THAT'S NOT TRUE! You could be the best Hokage the village ever had if they let you!" Hinata shouted.

"Hinata-chan," was all that Naruto could say, stunned. In fact, the blackjack game the sand sibs had got going while they were talking had stopped to check for genjutsu.

"I just know that you'll make a great leader, because I-" Hinata started, but ended up whispering the last part into his hideous jumpsuit. (I only say that for the readers. I actually liked his old one more than the shippuden one.

"What was that Hinata-chan," asked Naruto.

"I said I love you," said the blue haired girl, turned away from him in fear of rejection, bright blush adorning her cheek as she silently prayed that he would accept her. That he wouldn't call her ugly and turn her away. That he might be able to love her back even the smallest fraction of what she felt for him.

She was answered by the Uzumaki moving his head by her ear and whispering something, before moving his head back to its original position, before Hinata said, "Oh and Hokage-sama and Jiraiya-sama wanted me to give this to you if I could find you," before handing him a mid-sized scroll.

"Thanks Hinata-chan. Remember, I'll be back. I may not be me, but I'll come for you. I promise," said the Jinchuuriki, before Hinata quickly moves her head up and gives him a kiss and faints. It was little more than a quick press of the lips, not some long drawn out affair (Hint Hint other authors) but it conveyed the one thing she wanted it to. She really did love him. That is before a single shout of "DAMNIT" shattered the mood.

"That' 550 ryo from you Kankuro-nii-san and 360 from you Temari-nee-chan," said Gaara before collecting his winnings.

"Y-you guys were betting on whether or not we would kiss?" asked Naruto, outraged.

"No. We knew that would happen. We were betting on who would start it. Gaara won," said Kankuro.

"And that's another 175 ryo for him thinking we'd bet on whether it would happen or not," said Gaara as a grumbling puppet-fucker passed him a wad of bills, before Gaara began to count his cash-wad.

"C'mon, we need to get going. We need to get ourselves followers," said Naruto.

"You know, you never did tell us how we'd get the man power and funds to make it work," said Temari.

"It's quite simple, Temari-chan…"

Konoha gate, 1:00 later

Hinata was able to get back in to the village without any problems due to all the guards either drunk from partying or dead/KOed via the Hokage. Getting into the Hokage's room on the other hand…

"We're sorry, Hyuga-sama, but we can't let you in," said an Anbu with a hunter-style mask, patterned like the wind in a storm.

"B-But I've got i-i-info on one of h-her missing s-shinobi," stuttered Hinata.

"Look, we've been getting 'info' on Uchiha-teme ever sense he left," said the Anbu, who we shall now name 'Kouryuu' for being intelligent. (He will come into play again, trust me.)

"But it's about Naruto-kun!" shouted Hinata, slightly mad anyone think she'd bring info about Uchiha-buri-bo-I! Wait, did she just think that?

"Uzumaki-sama? Sorry, I've just been flooded with girls your age with news that 'Uchiha-kun left because Sakura-saseko abused him.' Hokage-sama asked that all info about Uzumaki-sama went directly to her. I'll let you in," said Kouryuu.

After walking in, Hinata immediately went to her desk and woke her up from a sake-based stupor.

"Ah, Hin-Hin-Hinashta! You'sh get dat gaki hish shrole?" asked a very VERY **VERY** drunk Tsunade.

"Y-Yes Hokage-sama. I-I also l-learned something else," said Hinata.

_Flashback_

"_Hinata, when you go back to the village I want you, Baa-chan, and anyone she thinks trustworthy to go into my house, move the bed, and climb down the trap door. You'll learn the rest later. Oh, and I'll have to fake my death. Don't give up hope," whispered Naruto into her ear._

_Flashback end_

"Let's go. I'll bring Kakashi, Jiraiya, and Gai," said Tsunade, having sobered up quickly.

Later, Naruto's house

"OK, we got the bed moved, the jumpsuits burned in case he comes back for them, and the evil monkey in his closet killed. Let's open the trap door," said Tsunade.

5 minutes later (Yes, that was all for comedic effect. I WASTED 16 SECONDS OF YOUR LIFE! HAHAHAHA!)

After a VERY difficult climb down for the thicker and wider of the party members, they finally found themselves in a small chamber. In the middle of it was a black book placed on a pedestal.

"YOSH! Kakashi, my eternal rival, we have found the key to your most youthful and incorruptible students thoughts! It's always wonderful to find one whose flames of passion and youth are too bright and grand to be contained in him! YOSH!" shouted a large green evil abomination.

"Let's just grab the thing and get out of here. This place smells," said the only blond in the group. Before the rest of the group could stop her, she had already grabbed the book. Then the room began to shake.

"You do realize that you just took obvious bate from the greatest prankster the village has ever known, right?" said Kakashi.

"A-And Naruto-kun has t-traps all over t-this room," stuttered Hinata.

"SHUT UP! How was I expected to know all this?" asked Tsunade.

"Yes, let us not criticize Hokage-sama. She had merely allowed her flames of passion and youth to control her! YOSH!" guess who.

"… I take it back. Anyways, let's get out of here!" shouted the Hokage.

END!

**Me: Hi again! Look, I'm sorry for making this chapter so short. I'm not good at setup. Anyway, the next chapter is going to be a time-skip thing where everything is explained through flashbacks. If you don't like that, SCREW OFF! I do accept flames if they tell me what I did wrong, and I won't update till this story has 10 reviews. That means that you're free to use the 'erase cookies' function on your browser to submit extra reviews! I NEED you all to help stoke my ego! My flames of self importance are burning out!**

**Shiki: You didn't introduce me! I'LL KILL YOU!**

**Me: Sorry, got to go!**

**Shiki: GET BACK HERE! I'LL CASTRADE YOU WITH A BLUNT, RUSTY, SERATED SPOON!**

**Me: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	2. Coming of the Storm

**Me: People of earth, I HAVE RETURNED!**

**Random crowd of people: *loud cheering***

**Me: Thank you, thank you. Now, for toda-**

**Shiki: YOU NEVER INTRODUCED ME, BASTARD! *pulls out a rusty, blunt, serrated spoon***

**RCP: *Ooooohhh***

**Me: Um… about that… SAVE ME PEOPLES!!!**

**Raiden: *thwacks Shiki on the head* Shiki-chan, you need to learn to control the urge to castrate people better.**

**Kattou: I have to agree with whitey on this one, sis. Stop threatening the Author with torture implements.**

**Shiki: Wah! You all hate me! *starts crying***

**Raiden: No I don't sweetie! *Gives hug***

**RCP:* Aaaawh***

**Kattou: …Did you eat anything Shichishou gave you?**

**Shiki: No, but I tried this really cool inhaler he gave me! It had letters saying something like 'can-ab-is' on it. Weird, hun? Ooo, pretty colors!**

**Me: I'm going to ignore my incredibly high tormenter and start the chapter.**

**RCP: *YAY!***

**Me: Oh, and to my reviewers, I've never even heard of "The Nine" or sin of existence. This actually came to me after my friend had the idea that Naruto would work much better as the leader of an army than a village. P.S, I'm sorry this took so long. School is a demon that fuels itself of time and friendships. That and a few other factors that will be discussed at the end notes.**

**_World's Largest Timeskip: 12 years, 8 months, 29 days, 19 hours, seconds._**

**Konoha, Hokage Tower, 9:31**

**Kami-sama, she hated her life. Ever sense Naruto left, the council had grown overconfident, thinking they ruled the village. It seemed that the councilmen were getting younger to. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she seemed to be executing one every month for trying to go over her head. In all honesty, he deserved that for ordering ninjas to try and steal the ****_Hiraishin_**** scroll. Not that they'd ever find it. And now that her paperwork was done, she could finally get to drinking her sa-**

**"Hokage-sama, you have been summoned by the Council of Elders," said some faceless Chunin peon… before catching an empty ceramic bottle… with his jawbone.**

**Konoha Council room, 9:44**

**"Alright, what do you lunatics want now? To consolidate the villages entire treasury to make a solid gold statue of the Uchiha? To ally with Orochimaru-teme? To place the village under martial law, with the Uchiha in command?" asked/shouted the slug Sannin.**

**"Nothing so grand and wonderful, Hokage-hime. We actually called you to work on a plan for the upcoming war," said Koharu.**

**"Well what do you think we can do? We lost all trade with Nami and Yuki, our alliance with Suna is razor thin as is, and you keep making ninja commit treason. What can we do?" said/asked Tsunade.**

**"We didn't make them commit treason; they accepted a mission and you executed them for it. And our solution is this: we hire the Arashi no Tensei. They fight and we take all the spoils of war," said Danzou.**

**While she hated the elder advisors, as they were the only ones she couldn't execute for such offenses, she had to admit that they were right for once. The entirety of the elemental countries had been shot to hell. It all started when Ame managed to find a HUGE deposit of diamonds, yes DIAMONDS. With the huge influx of money, they were able to finally gain the funds needed to stop the guerrilla rebellion and kill its leader, a man by the name of Pain. With the advent of this, Ame was able to take an incredible amount of missions, essentially destroying the economy of Kusa. Because of this, they were forced to send all their recourses to making more ninja. This caused the ninja of Iwa to attack Kusa, feeling threatened by both of their growth but still too afraid of Hanzo to do anything about him. In the end, that's what caused all the world's problems. If Iwa had just taken down Ame, all would have stabilized. As of late, most villages have been killing other villages' clients so that they couldn't give other villages money. In fact, only one group of shinobi was still able to make money through traditional means. That group was the mercenary army known as the Arashi no Tensei. They'd move from country to country, taking jobs and leaving before the local shinobi managed to rally their forces. Because of this, they managed to make a killing in the world shinobi economy. Add in the fact that they had a 93% mission success rate, and you have a powerhouse the likes of which hadn't been seen sense the formation of the hidden villages.**

**"…Fine. We send them a request for a long term mission. They accept and we take their aid for the coming war. But that's it," said the aging Hokage.**

Hall of 10, location and time unknown.

In an undisclosed location, we find 10 cloaked figures, gathered around a small table in a large tent. They were the nine current Taichou, 9 of the 10 strongest warriors in the Arashi no Tensei. These men and women were the elite, the best of the best. They had the power needed to command respect from the masses, and the wisdom tempered by combat to be able to make the right choices for the entire group. They were also the main decision making body among the ANT. There was only one man who could over-rule them. They were currently debating the response to a letter taken to them by hawk.

"We should do the job for about a month, then once we've gained their trust, smash the place up with exploding banjos!" shouted a feminine voice.

"That would be a horrible idea. It would be like telling all future customers that once we've done the mission, we'll kill them," said a sharp masculine voice.

"…If I know Konoha, they'll just send their 'Village Hero' Uchiha Sasuke with our best members and have him steal all our best jutsu," said a hesitant voice.

"I say we do the job, but secretly steal all their medical drugs, man," said a grated voice, sounding rather high.

"No, instead let's kidnap one of all their members with Kekkei Genkai to… study," said a voice that would freak the Hell out of anyone that wasn't used to it already.

"That's awful! What we need to do is help the people with their problems. But, of course, if they mess with us we _BLEED THEM DRY!_" shouted a voice, starting out caring and warm but suddenly taking a nosedive into crazy and murderous.

"No! What we need to do is make alliances, and that means to _not_ kill all who trust us," said a tempered and yet violent voice.

"Ugh, you guys can never agree on anything involving that village. I call that we ask 'The Leader' what we should do," said a slightly irritated voice. As soon as he finished his sentence, however, a plume of smoke erupted from a small table placed in the center of the room. Out of this emerged a small, pale blue salamander about the size of a small dog.

"My master has sent me," started the watery… lizardy… thing, "He says that we should accept the offer from Konoha, but only under strict rules, so that they will be unable to cheat their way out of this one."

"Then it's settled!" said the once irritated voice.

There was little rejoicing.

Konohagakure no Sato, 5 weeks later, 3:26.

The world was shot to hell. They had just been attacked by an allied force of grass/sound Nin, and due to the fact that they had entered under the guise of merchants, with real papers and goods to top it off, they had managed to deal large amounts of damage. The only thing they hadn't wreaked in some way was the Hokage monument, and that was because, about 12 years ago someone had placed an intricate jutsu on it giving a countdown. It was currently at 'one', and it terrified the populace. Although that may have been because, at the exact formation of it, they had felt a gigantic wave of demonic chakra. Coincidentally, they received news the next day that Uzumaki Naruto was killed. There was much rejoicing. (Let's spell it together: R-E-T-A-R-D-S. They also have a damn short memory span.)

Konoha Council Chamber, 9:49

The council had gathered for one reason. Today they would receive the answer from the Arashi no Tensei. After about a minute of waiting, conveyed at the table, a large puff of smoke erupted from the center of the table, revealing the salamander I talked about 3 minutes ago.

"A summons! KILL IT!" shouted a random council retard. Of course, all that happened was the salamander spit on him. (HAHA!)

"I bring you greetings from my master, and a response from the Arashi no Tensei," said the little… slimy… thing.

"What are the terms?" asked Tsunade.

"Master says that they will only accept your mission on the grounds that you pay a full 100000000 ryo, half before and half after, all in the form of unmarked gold bullion, with the following conditions:

A: All jutsu used by the Arashi No Tensei are considered the property of said group and are not to be requested/demanded/stolen of by Konoha or any body of it.

B: All shinobi of the Arashi no Tensei are to ONLY answer to authority within the Arashi no Tensei.

C: Attempted theft, murder, interrogation, brainwashing, or kidnapping unto any member will result in the death/reversal of situation with the attempter. If it occurs on a village-wide scale, the Arashi no Tensei are given free wrights to pillage, loot, plunder, vandalize, and or kill within the village.

D: All untested drugs with potential hallucinogenic affects are to be tested by the 7th Taichou of the Arashi no Tensei," said the salamander.

This was a major nix in most of the council and elders plans. They couldn't arrest them, so long as they didn't start it, they couldn't withhold the payment or counterfeit it, and they'd probably execute Kakashi or Uchiha-sama for the use of the Sharingan.

"What's Hanzo got to do with this?" asked Danzou.

"You have it wrong. My master merely signed the contract as payment from Hanzo. My master is the 'Leader' of the Arashi No Tensei," said the slimy lizardy amphibian.

"We accept, with the exception of the last condition," said the Hokage.

"S'ok. Shichishou told me he'd give me candy if I added that. It wasn't really a demand," said the slippery… gooey… creature.

"Tsunade! How dare you decide something regarding the funds of the village without the councils consent!" said a retarded councilwoman with… pink… hair.

"You forget, as long as it affects military strength, I have power," growled Tsunade.

"Then I order the Anbu to arrest you on the grounds of trea…" said a retarded councilman… before he was killed. A later autopsy would reveal that he had died due to a roundhouse kick to the testicles, which were propelled with such force that they worked as bullets, and liquefied his brain. (He had one?)

"When will the Arashi no Tensei get here?" Asked Tsunade to the salamander.

"In about 3, 2, 1," said the amphibious… thingy, before disappearing in a puff of smoke. And right then, the whole village suddenly felt the presence of the chakra equivalent of a 13-tailled demon… undissolve at the top of the Hokage Mountain.

Oh yeah, they're boned.

Taichou Tent, ANT camp, top of Hokage Monument, 10:08

Things were going smoothly for the entire army. The little salamander had told them that their offer had been accepted in its original form. This meant that they had a home base for the time without having to run before the local shinobi tried to kill them. There was much rejoicing. Of course, even the retards that run Konoha wouldn't bother to think that the ANT would be able to chose possible and workable teams to side with their shinobi without help, so sent a squad to learn more about their allies.

"Man, how troublesome. Why did Hokage-sama have to choose me to do this?" asked Nara Shikamaru, special Jonin of Konoha.

"Because Hokage-sama thinks you will be best able to give a truthful and unbiased evaluation of their skills," said Hyuga Neji, Jonin with a pole shoved so far up his ass it sticks out his mouth.(Man, that pole must be pretty curvy, or REALLY flexible.)

"And besides, it can't be all bad. We get PAID to just go see some guys do cool and flashy ninjutsu!" shouted Mitarashi Anko, a Jonin with rather… strange views of ethics, fashion, and the world in general.

"Yes, and we might find strong any youthful opponents with which we might measure our Flames of Youth against! YOSH!" shouted Rock Lee, a rather eccentric Jonin, having only the ability to use taijutsu. That and with the green spandex jumpsuit he wore, he looked like a walking Christmas tree. (Seeing as Lee's name is written as Rock Lee in both the Japanese version AND the dub, then is Rock his first of family name?)

"Well it's to troublesome to bother evaluating their skill levels. From what I've heard they have some shinobi that would never be able to fit into our ranks," said Shikamaru.

"They that weak?" asked Sakura Haruno. At this point, Sakura looked like Hell. Due to the torture inflicted upon her by Morino Ibiki about 13 years ago, she was no longer the bright pink-haired girl she once was. She was wearing a ski-cap like hat to cover up the fact she was permanently bald, something caused by the massive burns on her head, and wore a mask over the bottom part of her face to cover what was left of it. According to what Ibiki told Tsunade, he had used a knife to remove the flesh around her mouth, leaving her entirely lipless, with huge gouges around her cheeks. It was said that if you were to remove the mask, she would drool uncontrollably. Unfortunately, none of the Genin was dumb enough to try. (Smart Gennin)

When the group finally reached the camp commons, they were greeted by a tallish man with spiky silver hair, piercing green eyes, and the kind of looks that would make a fangirl start to foam at the mouth. He was wearing a black trench coat and black pants along with a bluish shirt and what looked like glass armor.

"Hey, are you guys the team from Konoha?" asked the man.

"Yah, that's us. If you ask me, this is just too troublesome though," said… well, you figure it out.

"Eh. By the way, name's Rasen Raiden, 2nd Taichou and leader of the 3rd division. I'm also your guide for the day," said Raiden.

"Wait, what do you mean 'Division'? And why are you the 2nd Taichou, yet leader of the 3rd division?" asked Neji.

"In reverse order: The Taichou ranking system is based on strength, not who we lead. I myself am the 2nd strongest person in the Arashi no Tensei. As for the division thing, it's how we're divided. Each division specializes in some form of the Ninja/Fighter arts, with the Taichou being the best person in their specialty," explained Raiden.

"What's your division's specialty?" asked the pink haired whore-like monstrosity of humanity.

"Weapons and taijutsu," he said, unknowing of the implications of this.

"Not again," Neji groaned. But before Raiden had the chance to question him about it, he was answered 'in motion.'

"YOSH! Another taijutsu specialist who has risen the ranks to the top! We must fight to test our Flames of Youth, then run off into the sunset to train and fight again! YOSH!" Shouted Lee, whose eyes had taken a flame-like appearance with tears streaming down his face while a bolt of sunlight magically appeared out of nowhere and rested on him while a sunset, pair of clashing waves, platform bolder, and jumping dolphins came into existence along with it.

"D-did that just happen?!? Please tell me you all saw it happen," said/shouted/begged Raiden.

"You get used to it after a while," said Sakura.

"Anyways, I'll fight you later, Lee-san. After all, I'm assuming you guys are here to test our skills, and the best way to do so would be to pit the best of the best against each other," said Raiden.

"Exactly. Now what are the other divisions?" asked Neji.

"To start in order: first division is Ninjutsu, led by Yakuzai Shichishou, the 7th Taichou. Second is genjutsu, led by Shingami Genkaku, the 10th Taichou. You already know about the Third, led by me. The Fourth is Torture and Interrogation, led by the 8th Taichou, a woman who goes only by the title of Guardian. Fifth division specializes in elemental control, and is led by Sunaheki Kaze, 4th Taichou. Sixth is run by Shiki Rasen, my fiancé and the 6th Taichou, and specializes in necromancy and maijutsu. The seventh works as our police force, and is ran by a man by the name of Kazoku Tsuku, the 5th. The eighth is R&D and Medical, ran by Tanomoshii Daraku who freaks the Hell out of me and is ranked 9th. The ninth is based on assassination and is lead by Hayai Senkou, 3rd Taichou. That work for you?" asked Raiden after a really REALLY long explanation.

"Um, two questions: how is it you and your _fiancé _have the same last name and what do you do with the people who don't fit into your division system?" asked the bald lipless freak of prostitution.

"And you never mentioned who the 1st Taichou is!" '_But I'll bet a weeks worth of dango he's buff_' shouted/thought Anko.

"Well, the reason me and Shiki have the same last name is because I was essentially adopted into her family. It's a long story. But to explain about the other two things is easy!" said Raiden.

"Then do it, you troublesome person!" said Shikamaru.

"Fine Shikamaru-san. Those who we can't fit into a division go to what is officially known as the Alternate Corps, unofficially known as 'Division 10,' currently lead by 'The Leader,'" said Raiden.

"Oh… Kay? Then let's get on with the ass-kicking!" shouted our favorite Dango-head.

"Just tell me what your specialties are, and I'll round up the Taichou to compete with you," said Raiden, pulling out what looked like a piece of crystal with chakra transceivers and chakra conducting steel traced in patterns on it.

"You already know Lee-san specializes in taijutsu, Neji-san works in Spec Ops and assault, Anko-san works in Torture and Interrogation, and Sakura is our best non-Hokage medic. I'm just here to watch," said the pineapple haired shadow-nin.

"Give me about 10 minutes," said our favorite total rip from MGS, pushing random buttons on the device in his hands. (What can I say? Raiden/Jack is my favorite MGS character, plus his fighting with the sword and knife in MGS4 made him perfect for this position. I just got rid of his personality. If you ask me, his personality in the game is WAY to much like that of Sas-gay.)

ANT camp, 10:23

It was about 10 minutes later and a large portion of the ANT was assembled in a large stadium that was constructed in all of about 7 minutes by a squad of Doton users. Right now, the legendary "Youthful Fist" Rock Lee of Konoha was facing against the 2nd Taichou and world renowned taijutsu artist and master, Rasen Raiden of the Arashi no Tensei.

"Ground rules: no ninjutsu, genjutsu, fuinjutsu, or bloodline use. If either of you break these rules, I set you on fire," said a near emotionless man, standing at 5'5" with rust red hair and dark blue-grey eyes. Said man was Kazoku Tsuku, the 5th Taichou.

"Heh, Lee has this troublesome fight in the bag," guess who.

"I wouldn't be so sure!" said a sing-song voice next to the lazy tactician. Turning his head, he came face to face with a woman with bright orange hair with the occasional streak of black and crystalline violet eyes. She was wearing some sort of black skirt-shirt along with a red scarf combo that eerily reminded him of those images of 'witches' from the far west. And the fact that she was wearing the exact same type of hat may have added to it.

"And who are you?" asked Neji.

"It's rude not to give your name first Mr. Stuck Up, but my name is Rasen Shiki, and in a taijutsu fight, no one can beat my Raiden-kun!" she said.

"Shut it! The fight's starting!" shouted Anko.

(Note: This fight is best read while the song _It's the End of the World as We Know It_ by REM is playing.)

Back at the arena floor, it started out with Lee dashing forth, going in for an uppercut with his right fist. This was blocked by Raiden, who grabbed Lee's fist and pulled up on it, allowing him to get inside his guard where preformed a spinning crescent kick to his knees, sweeping them out from under him while using a elbow slam to knock the wind out of him. Lee though was not to be outdone, as he managed to catch himself on his remaining hand and jerked his other hand out of Raiden's grip. He then proceeded to attack Raiden by kicking at almost the same speed he could punch, forcing Raiden to back off. Unfortunately for Lee, this gave Raiden time to think up a plan while Lee was getting back on his feet. Raiden saw a chance and proceeded to duck into Lee's guard again, but Lee this time countered with a raised sweep kick that Raiden… Ducked under?

Back in the stands

"D-did he just do that?" asked sucky-sucky-5$ Sakura.

"Yup! Raiden-kun has yet to be beaten in taijutsu," Shiki said with pride.

"But the amount of training needed to do that is monumental!" exclaimed Neji.

"He's got a lot of time on his hands," Shiki said.

"But how does he keep up in nin/genjutsu then?" asked Anko.

"He doesn't. He was born with almost no chakra points," said Shiki.

"Then you mean he can't do ninjutsu or genjutsu like Lee-san?" asked Shikamaru.

"Nope!" Shiki said.

'_Then he is among the worst possible opponents for Lee to_ face' thought Shikamaru.

Back in the arena

Raiden had bent backwards at a perfect 90 degree angle at his ankles, seeming to defy the laws of biometrics. Lee was too stunned to react at that moment, allowing Raiden to stand on his hands in an odd reflection of the previous attack. Lee, deciding to get serious, opened a small scroll and brought forth a set of 5 pieces of steel connected with a chain.

Back at the stands

"Lee-san must be serious," said Neji.

"Why's that?" asked Shiki.

"He only brings those out when he wants to finish the battle quickly," responded Neji.

"Then he just made a horrible mistake!" she exclaimed in that sing-song voice of hers.

Back in the arena

Lee shot out his chain staff and wrapped it around Raiden's leg, trying to use it to bring him down. This didn't work of course, as Raiden skillfully used the muscles in his ankle, feet, and leg to wrap the handle of the weapon around Lee's hand. He then started to spin, moving his hands and pivoting on one before switching to the other, while raising and lowering his legs, giving the maximum amount of kinetic energy to his leg and, by extension, anything attached to it. The result was Lee being lifted off the ground and spun like a blood sample in a centrifuge. After a few seconds of inhuman speed rotation, Raiden snapped the chain link around his foot, propelling Lee into the wall of the arena with a loud _Crack!_

Back at the stands

"Dear kami-sama…" was the only way Neji could respond.

"It's not over yet! Lee-baka will still show these hot-shots the superiority of Konohagakure no Sato!" shouted a pink haired… do I still need to say it? Besides, I'm running out of ways to call her a prostitute.

"You do realize that Raiden-kun has yet to draw his blade, right?" commented Shiki.

"This is just too troublesome to watch," said… I'm just not going to bother.

Back at the arena

The dust was starting to clear when Lee finally spoke.

"That was a most youthful warm-up, Raiden-kun, but the lotus of Konohagakure blooms twice!" shouted Lee, before tossing a pair of incredibly heavy weights at Raiden while charging forward at inhuman speed.

"Finally! That was getting boring!" Raiden responded, smirking before tossing off his trench coat revealing that the black shirt and pants were really a body suit with glass-like armor attached to it, along with a single sword with an offset blade, which he drew.

Back in the stands

"Goodie! Raiden took out Kuro Nobara!" exclaimed Shiki joyfully.

"Kuro Nobara?" asked our favorite pretty-boy Hyuga.

"His sword. This match is over. Your friend might not even be able to walk again," our favorite witch-girl said.

"Don't under estimate a Jonin of Konoha," Anko said, never taking her eyes off the fight.

"I'm not."

Back in the arena

Lee started off with a left hook which was blocked by Raiden's right arm. He then vanished, going for an aerial version of his Konoha Senpuu, but had to stop to avoid getting his leg lopped off. Of course Raiden didn't take this sitting down, so managed to get in a strike shaving a ribbon of flesh from Lee's leg, before performing a spinning elbow strike, sending Lee skidding across the arena.

"YOSH! You are a most youthful opponent, Raiden-kun! But I must ask, what is that style of taijutsu you use? I've never seen anything like it."

"This is something called the Maiken no Ryuu, while my sword form is the Senpuu no Mai, something you're about to taste in full force!" shouted/said Raiden, before vanishing.

Back in the stands

"YAY! Raiden's going to use IT!" shouted Shiki with glee.

"What is _it_?" asked Sakura.

"His ultimate move!" Shiki exclaimed.

"If that's not cliché, then what is?" rhetorized Shikamaru.

Back in the arena

"Then let my Flames of Youth burn at full force!" shouted Lee, as the power surge of 7 of the 8 Celestial Gates opening was unleashed.

"Don't hold back!" shouted Raiden.

Lee started out charging at ungodly speed towards Raiden before striking at him repeatedly. Raiden would just push his fists just barely enough to break his balance before spinning around his opponent while dragging his sword before performing a forearm slam into him. While the Heal gate did close the wounds almost instantly, it was beginning to get to be a problem, so Lee jumped back, opening his bandages and managing to wrap them around Raiden.

"NIDOZAKI RENGE!" Lee screamed, before jumping upwards, dragging Raiden with him. While in the air, he pulled Raiden down by the bandages, before landing 8 strikes to the area around his heart. He then kicked Raiden in the gut, launching Raiden forward while spinning himself. This caused the centrifuge effect that Raiden used earlier on Lee to appear, but this time Lee pulled Raiden towards him, causing all that force to be directed towards Lee… or, more accurately, the fist he raised. The sound of something shattering like glass was heard throughout the arena.

Back at the stands

"Looks like your lover-boy is gone. Sorry," said Sakura, sarcasm dripping from her voice so thick that it was suffocating.

"Look before you leap, Ho-runo," responded Shiki, a smirk on her face.

Back at the arena

Raiden was in a crater, and Lee was exhausted but still on his knees. That was his second most powerful attack. If his opponent got up after that, then he would personally run the entire trip to Yuki no Kuni, and if he could not do that then he would lift the Tsuchikage stone himself and if he could not do that… Fortunately these thoughts were cut off, as Raiden miraculously got out of the crater.

"H-how?" asked Lee, stunned.

"My armor. It's kind of a bad idea to use glass for it, you know. This stuff is actually pure Hyper-crystallized diamond. To think you actually shattered it. But now it's my turn!" Raiden said/shouted, before charging forward. He started off with a sweep kick, which he connected to a bicycle kick, sending Lee airborne, but not before he roundhouse kicked him into spinning at an ungodly speed. He then jumped forward, sword trailing behind him while he used the air currents caused by Lees spinning to rotate around him. By the time they landed, Lee had large ribbons and strips of skin and flesh missing, as well as 14 broken bones. When he landed, the only thing he said was 3 words. "Shi no Mai." Raiden then just walked away.

**Me: Dear God, that's the most words I've ever written for anything ever, period!**

**Shiki: Yay, I exist!**

**Kattou: But you never introduced me!**

**Me: Yes I have.**

**Kattou: But not as **_**ME**_**!**

**Hinata: When do I come in again?**

**Me: Soon.**

**Raiden: didn't Kishimoto kill you off?**

**Me: No! And that is one of the things I want to announce to the world! HINATA IS NOT DEAD! Just look at page 14, panel 4 of manga edition 437. He stabs the ground **_**next to **_**Hinata, not her! YAY!**

**UPDATE! Edition 348 PROVES me and my friend Dev right! HA! TAKE THAT A.L!**


	3. AssKicking Everywhere

**Me: People of earth! That was a friggin record for me on time till 10 reviews had been hit!**

**Shiki: Shut it. Least I got introduced.**

**Raiden: And me.**

**Kattou: But not me!**

**Me: You come into play later.**

**Kattou: But I'm th-**

**Me: NOTHING HAPPENING HERE! Oh, and to my readers:**

**P5yCH0- I thank thee, but the 10 reviews thing keeps my ego burning. Plus, it makes people more likely to review, period. This allows more critique of my skills, to help me become a better author.**

**Baka Nii-san- A lot of people think I took the idea of this story from "sin of existence" or "the nine" or something. I honestly have never heard of it. Maybe someone could find a way for me to get a copy of the original? P.S, The reason Raiden seemed weak was because he had to hold back for fear of killing Lee. Dead Lees aren't much fun you know. And I do intend to add in an incarnation of Vamp.**

**Kingkakashi- Don't worry, Lee's gonna be fine. Trust me even if I wouldn't trust me.**

**That's all the reviewers I'm going to do, because I type my authors notes before the chapter, and this was done months ago.**

**P.S, Sorry this took so long. I've never been good at imagining fight scenes and Neji has such a difficult fighting style that this took forever. I tried everything to find inspiration, even creating a scarecrow replica of him and castrating it. Not good for ideas, but a great way to fix a problem called 'stress'!**

**P.P.S, I'm sorry if this chapter is a bit… droll. I'm not really good at this. Hell, I rather suck at fight scenes! Oh, and whoever guesses the true identity of Tsuku, Kaze, and Senkou first gets to ether A: become an actual character in the fic, B: chose which Division Hinata will be in, or C: get a cookie from Tobi!**

**Tobi: Yay! You people have to like cookies! Here, take the cookie. C'mon, take it. I said, ****take the cookie****! TAKE IT OR MANDARA WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!!!**

**Me: Back in your box Tobi, back in your box. *pulls out a spike mace***

**Disclaimer: Attention all lawyers: I do not own Naruto, MGS, Bleach, or whatever the Hell else I use elements of. Now get the Hell off my property!**

ANT Arena, 10:48

**To be cliché, the place looked like a war-zone. Huge craters in the wall and ground, strips of land missing and sharp pointy chunks of rock on the ground. Either there was a huge fight between power-houses, or Anko just failed a Genin team. Read the last chapter and you be the judge.**

**"Alright! The victor of the match is Rasen Raiden. The next challenge between Konohagakure no Sato and the Arashi no Tensei is between Sakura Whore-u… Sorry, HARuno. The task is to heal the loser of the last match, Rock Lee!" announced Kazoku Tsuku.**

**The two competitors warped to the arena. Sakura, in her stupid dress thing and… head gear… as always. On the other hand**, **Tanomoshii**** Daraku would cause heart attacks in small children. At 6'5, he was by far too tall to be normal. He was missing his left ear, right eye, 2 fingers on his right hand, and a large patch of skin on his face. Of course, no self respecting researcher would not find SOME way around his problems. In his case, he had his missing fingers replaced with puppet parts… made from his original fingers. His ear was replaced by some sort of black covering and his eye by some sort of Biomechanical scanner. As well, he had what looked to be steel teeth on one side of his mouth. Combined with a strange twist in his arm that should not be there, he would scare anyone not used to either him or Orochimaru. He was currently wearing a large dark-blue Haori and blue slacks.**

**"So this is my opponent? A freakish little girl?" he said his voice a sarcastic sharp tone.**

**"I was apprenticed to Tsunade-sama!" Sakura shouted, mad that this ****_monstrosity_**** would dare insult her. (Ignoring the fact that she's missing an important flap of skin called lips.)**

**"Keh, she's pathetic if you really look at her skills," Daraku said.**

**Deciding to, for the first time in her life, be the bigger person, she turned to the proctor and said, "What happens if Lee is healed by the first person?"**

**"A replacement charge with equal injuries will be brought in, and it will be a time trial contest," said the ever emotionless Tsuku.**

"Then if the little girly is done, then bring us the subject," said Daraku.

And in was wheeled Lee, who looked like shit. The most obvious visible injuries were the missing strips of flesh, the gigantic bruises, and the fact that both his left arm and right leg were broken and his right arm was in the shape of an s. Sakura, seeing that her opponent wasn't going to start, ran in to start a diagnostic on her strange looking friend. But, upon looking, she found that this damage just wasn't human.

"What did that guy do to him? His right arm bones have been almost liquefied, his lungs have been struck with what looks like invisible shrapnel, and his internal organs have been re-arranged! But the worst part is the missing skin and muscle. Somehow, he's suffered sub-cellular rupturing, causing the local area to be poisoned and… there's something else, but I can't identify it. And for some reason, a ripple like pattern of cellular mitosis is happening. I don't think I can do much," Sakura said, before her hands started to glow green, mainly focusing on the bruises and making him comfortable. About 5 minutes later, he may have looked better than before, but he was, in the '_professional opinion_' of the Uchiha-loving whore, a lost cause.

"I'm sorry, Lee-san, but this is all I can do," she said, seemingly detached.

But all was not lost, for Daraku happened to be truly competent in this type of injury. As he walked over there, he started forming hand seals, ending in a clap, before he spread his hands creating a keyboard with different colored dots for keys. As he tapped the 'keys', different chakra constructs started to appear and operate on Lee, all the while Daraku was muttering to himself.

"It seems that those idiots in R&D Weapons made a fine piece of work, this one. The cellular mitosis is caused by a genjutsu, embedded in the blade, to make the body kill itself by tricking the cells to think they need to commit suicide. The lung damage is caused by taking a breath while he broke the sound barrier. Any imbecile would know that at those speeds air acts like glass! The liquefied bone would be caused from him trying to use the Nidozaki Renge to smash Raiden-san's armor. I'm frankly surprised that those morons in the med squad kept him alive this long," ranted Daraku.

And thus about 5 minutes later, Lee is actually _walking_.

Arena Stands

"How the Hell did he manage to heal him?" shouted/asked Neji.

"It's because Daraku has the kind of skills needed to actually transplant a Demon's arm onto a human. You'll never find a better medic than him," said a man with slightly curved-spiked pyrite blond hair and ocean-green-with-grey-tints-eyes wearing a red duster with bright orange and blue flame markings on it, along with the symbol for the Arashi no Tensei, a set of 4 crosses set in an X, in black alongside a pair of metal flame pattern arm guards with the X-crosses engraved in them.

"And you are?" asked Shikamaru, getting the feeling he should know who this man is already.

"Hayai Senkou of the 9th," he said before walking off.

Arena Floor

"Hey! No fair! You must have cheated!" shouted suck-you Sakura.

"On what grounds? My medical ninjutsu is 2nd to none, made to improvise so that I don't have to rely on a hospital. And to tell you the truth, if the student of the legendary 'Perverts Folly' is this pathetic, then she never deserved her title as a Sannin," said Daraku, getting one very special person to gasp. Thus we find Anko Shunshin down to the arena and hold Daraku up by his haori before shouting at him.

"Who the Hell are you!?! The only man to ever call Tsunade-sama 'Pervert's Folly' was Orochimaru-teme!" she shouted, enraged at him.

"If you complete your challenge, I'll tell you," responded Daraku, before jabbing Anko right where the underside of the arm meets the body, triggering a nervous reaction forcing her to let go of him, before he walked away.

"Damn him!" shouted Anko before walking off herself.

ANT Arena, 11:23

"Alright! The test of interrogation is to begin! May Anko and Guardian please come to the arena!" shouted Tsuku. This time, Anko decided to walk in, highly determined to get info on the man who managed to know her 'sensei.' But Guardian decided to make a flashy entrance for once.

In a strange display of dancing lights of all colors, she appeared. She was 5'8", with bright green hair that was done up in a strange sort of reversing fashion with large, soulful garnet eyes, and alabaster-colored skin. She was wearing a pure white dress, form fitting at the top but going down it spread out with a small diamond of red between her… assets.

"So you are my opponent. You seem… troubled. Almost like a soul who has seen all their loved ones killed… but not. It is… strange," Guardian said in a musical voice, the total opposite of one who would normally be at work in T&I.

"Hey! Stop with the freaky mind games and let's get on to the prisoners!" shouted Anko.

"Very well. We are now going to bring in a pair of Oto Jonin we captured at a nearby town they were trying to raid. Your task will be to make them reveal the location of the base they originated from. Any other affects are extra credit. You each have an hour," Tsuku said. And thus two unknown peon guards brought in a pair of Oto ninja in standard uniform, tied to a chair each. "Begin!" Thus Anko and Guardian each walked over to one of the two prisoners.

With Anko

"Hello, little Oto-nin. Will you please tell little Anko-chan where you come from?" Anko said in a pouty voice, bending over so she was face to face with the Nin as she spoke, coincidently giving him quite the view.

"H-h-Hell no!" stuttered the Oto-nin.

"Then I'm going to take everything from you!" sang Anko. And thus the torture began. About 50 minutes later, the Oto-nin was missing his left leg, right kidney, genitals, both eyes, his fingers, a LOT of blood, and his cloths. (The Genin were taken out of the arena for that part, while all those with sensitivities left.) By this time, he used his last breath to tell her where he came from, before he died of blood loss. The words "Excessively brutal," and "Inhuman," and "Terrifying" were thrown around. So to were "Wicked!" and "I think I'm in love."

Arena Stands: Taichou Section

"Dear Kami-sama, that woman is bloody," said Sunaheki Kaze, a strong blue-haired woman who was wearing a bright green battle kimono, with her hair pulled back into a set of six pony tails.

"Oh, maybe she can help me place exploding tags on all the street-signs with the letter T on them!" shouted our favorite Witch-queen and necromancer, Shiki.

"Dude, maybe we should leave her alone. Or, better yet, like, put some poppy in her food to like, calm her down, man," said the ever-baked Yakuzai Shichishou, a black-haired man with empty brown eyes who was wearing a neon-red and neon-green kimono, not that he'd know. He'd been wearing the thing for the past 3 years, thinking it to be a 'wicked awesome sports jacket.'

"I'd rather live," said Shingami Genkaku, a sickly woman with deep purple hair and brilliant orange eyes who was wearing a Chinese shirt with a layer of chain mail under it and a pair of long pants.

"If what 'Leader' said is right, then she'd make a perfect addition into our ranks. After all, her connection to Daraku-san notwithstanding, she'd probably give her ability to taste dango to work with the man who killed Orochimaru-okama the first time," said Raiden in a calculated voice.

Arena Floor, Beginning of Hour, Guardian's side

The prisoner was freaking out. He'd heard of this woman before. Hell, everyone in the sound village had heard of her. The 'Traitors Asylum' they called her. All because everyone who was said to 'defect' (Read: join in order to spy.) to the ANT had to go through her. And none of the men ever returned. It was said that Orochimaru-sama would promote anyone who killed her to the automatic status of 'Oto-Sannin'. This point, though, was rather moot as you didn't actually get anything from the elevation, but it did sound cool.

"You are frightened… you fear me…" said Guardian.

"H-how do you know," asked the Oto-nin, seriously freaked out. '_I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die!' _He thought.

"I know because your thoughts, your emotions, your soul itself cries to me. You… fear Orochimaru… you don't want to work for him… but you fear for your family… he has them hostage… he told you and all your fellow nin that he'd use them for his experiments if you didn't comply… you only wish to find your family and leave," she said, her calm trusting voice working wonders on the man.

"But why do you care?" he spat, angered at the fact he almost gave in to the woman.

"Because we can find them. We have helped others. All you need to do is trust us," she said, her lyrical voice laced with some sort of calming power.

"What do I have to do?" he said slowly. About 45 minutes later, he not only told them about all the Oto-specific jutsu he knew, not only were his base was located, but even fucking _Asked_ to _Join_ the ANT! Needless to say, she won.

Arena Stands, Konoha Section

"What the Hell was that?" screeched Sakura no Keikoku.

"That, my mutilated friend, was the power of trust," said Senkou.

"Wait, but she said something earlier, about his emotions crying out to her. But the only jutsu in the world like that belongs exclusively to the Yamanaka clan, and even they can't make it do that," said Shikamaru.

"That's because it's not a jutsu. It's her Kekkei Genkai. It allows her all sorts of psychic abilities, the least of which is the feeling of others emotions. This makes her able to convince people to do almost anything. Hell, if she concentrates hard enough, she can read thoughts and force you to do things," said the character with one of the most obvious hints to his true identity in his name. (Read: Senkou.)

'_Hmm… Danzou-sama will like to know about this_' thought Sakura.

'_**And then he'll let us have Sasuke-kun's first child! Take that, Ino-buta! SHANNARO!'**_ said her inner counterpart.

"Well Neji, you should prepare. You're next," said Senkou.

Arena Floor, 12:40

It was just over 15 minutes sense the completion of the previous challenge, and all the blood was cleared from the floor. Those poor, poor souls. Anyway, the match was about to begin.

"The next match will be a test of combat, with the goal being to show off the fewest jutsu possible. May the competitors please come forth," shouted Tsuku, his near totally apathetic face giving a tiny smile at the thought of the beating the arrogant Hyuuga prodigy would receive. Stupid Hyuuga.

At this, Neji just decided to Shunshin down, a small bit of smoke in his wake. But his opponent was far… flashier. A single oddly shaped kunai fell to the earth. This kunai looked like someone had taken the blades of 4 kunai and glued them together at one of the facets on a center kunai, leaving 4 separate points to bear with one in the ground. And then, with lightning flashing about the blade, a hole in space time dropped forth his opponent. It was…

"Senkou?" said Neji, stunned at his opponent. After all, how few of one's opponents know how to do a god damned _space-time jutsu?_ (Yah, he's fucked. But, on the up side, it might dislodge that pole up his ass.)

"Bet'cha ass it's me," he said, his eyes dancing with fire. After all, it's not often one who attains Taichou rank can let loose. They might hurt someone.

"BEGIN!" shouted Tsuku, vanishing from the arena.

Arena Stands, Peon… I mean Konoha Section

"Cha! Even if he has some flashy jutsu like Yondaime-sama, that baka will never be able to beat Neji!" shouted Sakura.

'_**And when he's unconscious, we'll kidnap him and take him to the village where we'll learn all his jutsu and give them to Sasuke-kun! YEEE!'**_ shouted inner Sakura. (Alternate Critic Me: Yeee? That's the best you could come up with?) (Quiet you or I'll sick Tobi on you.) (ACM: MEEP! *runs away*)

"Sakura, I'm not so sure of that. If his jutsu is anything like the Hiraishin no Jutsu then Neji is in for a beating," said Shikamaru.

"Go Neji! Show them your Flames of Youth! YOSH!" shouted Lee, who managed to pull out a pair of fans with the leaf-spiral on them out of nowhere. (I don't get it either.)

"Kill me…" said Anko, angered because she couldn't track down Daraku. (Till next chapter. Ugh, what's with all my (note) notes lately?)

Arena Floor

The fight started the moment a single leaf fell to the ground. Neji, knowing he would have serious problems if this went on too long, started off by jumping forward, hoping to finish this quickly. Now queue the fight music!!!

(This fight is set to the song _Run Around_. Not the version by Blues Traveler. To get to it, go on to Youtube and search Run Around + Digimon. I know, it sounds dorky, but come on! We're a bunch of people with nothing better in our lives to do than read and write Fan Fiction!)

As Neji dashed forward, he was nearly caught by the hail of mutant kunai that pelted the entire arena. They were everywhere!

"You think this can beat my Byakugan?" asked Neji.

"Don't need to. Can't beat what you can't catch! I'll beat you with just 3 jutsu I bet!" shouted Senkou.

"Let's go!" shouted Neji, dashing again.

Senkou didn't respond. Instead, he warped to a kunai right next to Neji and back-handed him in the face. Neji managed to skid into the wall of the arena, and damn, that hurt! He then saw the man envelope himself in charka, obviously prepping for a warp, so Neji did the only thing he could think of at the moment with his ANBU training. He quickly formed seals and, having shouted out the name of his jutsu, caused a dragon made of earth to be launched at Senkou, who turned and warped to a kunai attached to the wall of the arena.

"Keh, you're pretty good. Can you keep up though?" shouted the deep blond, who then started warping around the arena, tossing random sharp pointy implements of doom at Neji, who managed to catch them all.

The man then started warping to the many kunai next to Neji, performing sweeping and spinning moves, warping the moment he hit him, forcing Neji to use his Kaiten to obliterate the kunai and knock his opponent back several feet, before Senkou threw a kunai at him and prepared to warp. But he didn't count on two things: that Mr. I-Have-A-Pole-Shoved-Up-My-Ass-Without-Lube would have destroyed his sharp pointy weapon and that he was facing Neji directly, not at an angle, causing Neji to see something he should not have, just before he blocked the strike from the Hyuuga.

"That's not the Hiraishin! You don't even need the kunai! While impressive, all you're doing is compressing space-time in a direct line in front of yourself then moving forward in a cheap mockery of Yondaime-sama's jutsu!" shouted the Hyuuga.

"Very perceptive. Then this means I can stop this warm-up," said Senkou, causing the Konoha Nin in the stands to gasp.

Arena stands: Konoha Section

"What is this guy?" asked Shikamaru.

"To have such skill, he must train constantly! YOSH! I SHALL UP MY OWN TRAINING TO GROW MY FLAMES OF YOUTH TO THESE PEOPLE'S LEVEL! YOSH!!!" shouted the green monstrosity.

"So? Neji-san's going to kick his ass!" shouted Sakura the lipless.

"I doubt it. No one's been able to Senkou-Taichou with the exception of Raiden-Taichou and 'The Leader,'" said a random ANT Nin.

Arena Floor

"Then let's finish this! Hakke: Tenken!" shouted Neji, who dashed forward, his hands glowing as he attacked.

But it was not to be, for Senkou ducked under his fist and punched him in the gut, before warping to just behind the Hyuuga. Said Konoha Nin then tried to launch a retaliating attack, causing his dark blond opponent to block, before warping to Neji's left and launching an aerial crescent kick, which the man with girly hair blocked, barely. But the moment of impact, the 'flasher' warped and launched an axe kick to Neji's left shoulder. (ACM: Bad joke man.) (Oh Tobi!!!) (ACM: I'll be good!!!)

"How does this jutsu work?" asked Neji.

"I probably shouldn't say this, but fuck that! I made this jutsu just to stop those cheap doujutsu. I use the opponent's chakra to form a stabilizer field, allowing me to mimic the Hiraishin on a smaller scale without a tag," said Senkou, smirking.

"Then in that case," said Neji, repressing his chakra, "You can't use that jutsu of yours with my chakra field suppressed. This means, I'VE WON! Hakke: Rokujuuyonshou!" shouted Neji, unleashing the Hyuuga clans 5 most powerful technique… Only for Senkou to blur in tune with his moves.

"Senkou Houko," said Senkou, who then ran forward and struck with blinding speed, totally annihilating all sense of hope for his victory. At this moment, Tsuku stepped in.

"The match is over: With his 3 jutsu to his opponents 4, Senkou is the winner!"

The Konoha Nin never stood a chance.

Camp Exit, 10 Minutes Later

"Well, this will be troublesome to report," said Shikamaru.

"What's troublesome is I couldn't find that creepy guy who knew Orochimaru!" shouted Anko.

"Well, I trust this match was informative to your village?" asked Tsuku.

"Yeah, so we'll just send a hawk to you guys whenever we have a mission for you. But your men are strong," answered Shikamaru.

"YOSH!" shouted Lee.

"We choose to take this as a compliment," said Raiden, before they all walked their separate ways.

Meanwhile: Ichiraku Ramen

"That's the most ramen I've ever seen anyone eat sense Naruto-Nii-san left!" shouted a midsized slender woman with brown hair and eyes who was working the stand.

"Keep making ramen like that and I'll be back for more," said a mysterious figure who was wearing a rust orange trench coat emblazoned with the ANT X-crosses with a sword strapped to his waist. He then just tossed a single gold coin at the woman, before walking off.


	4. HINATA FINALLY!

**Me: I'm back baby!**

**Shiki: HEY! You not only didn't let me fight, you also made me seem crazy!**

**Me: Coming from the person who turned a dead ferret into a WMD? I'd say I'm in the clear.**

**Kattou: I agree with the author on this one, sis.**

**Shichishou: Yea man… Dudettes like you should, like, learn to take a chill pill, man.**

**Me: I have to ask, do you mean 'chill pill' as in 'relax' or as in 'my little tripping friend' version.**

**Shichishou: …Bro, when did your hair turn blond?**

**Me: …**

**Raiden: Let's just get started.**

**Me: Oh, before that, I'm looking for a Beta for this story. Keh, I'm able to beta anything, but my own work. Well, if you're willing to beta this, you'll even get your own seat on the before and after chapter arguments!**

**Tsuku: I do not believe these constitute arguments.**

**Shiki: You've never even been here before! *punches Tsuku***

**Alicia: HEY! Hands off my Itachi-kun! *whacks her with a surfboard***

**Kaze: You aren't even in the story yet! *fends off a barrage of kunai***

**Senkou: FIGHT! *pulls out a kanabo* BONZAI!**

**Me: I'll just start the chapter. Oh, and if any of you who're reading this have a C2, ADD THIS! C2s tend to get more people to read things and, by extension, review!**

Council room, 10:26 A.M.

"What do you mean 'über-nin'?!?" asked/shouted a councilman. After all, Konoha was the ninja capital of the world, so there's no possible way that these mercenaries could be better than them, right?

"What I mean by that is that their ninja managed to completely disable our challengers without much challenge in their chosen fields," said Shikamaru.

"Any tactical advice that would allow us to place them accurately in teams with us?" asked the currently cool-headed Tsunade.

"Well, from what I've seen, the Taichou are above kage-level in their fields, but only about 2-3 of the Taichou are strong enough to actually become kages simply because they didn't use a single jutsu or move outside their specialty, allowing us to assume they have minimal to no knowledge outside their fields. It's all so troublesome," said the Lord of the Pineapple Hair.

"Hm… so all that means is that we only have about 3 real threats to our safety if they turn on us. Perhaps we should… 'escort' these ninja to a 'negotiation chamber' and see if they might join the glorious metropolis that is Konohagakure no Sato," said the cripple, AKA Danzou.

"I'm afraid that's wrong on two accounts. That would be breaking our mission contract, forcing us out of a lot of ryo, but also I'm worried about this 'Leader' of theirs. From what I gather, he's like their Kage and stronger than each of their Taichou by a sizable margin, so any fight with him is suicide," responded Mr. McLazy.

"I have to wonder what this 'Leader' is like," said Hiashi.

Meanwhile, at a local ramen stand

"Another 'Naruto size' please," said the mysterious man from the precious chapter.

"But that puts you to your 24th serving! How do you eat this much?" asked Ayame.

"Practice," he said before consuming the one gallon bowl of ramen placed in front of him.

Back at the reta… I mean, Council Chamber

"Whoever he is, he has to be intimidating," said Tsunade.

"That's for sure," said a person on the smart side of the council.

"Hmp! I'm sure my little girl is far better than that guy!" said a pink haired council-woman.

Meanwhile, at the Red Light District

"Hey there. How much?" asked a random man to a woman who was heavily cloaked, with the hood covering her face, but you could almost see some sort of mask and a pair of green eyes.

"I'll charge you… hmm… 500 ryo?" she said,

"I was thinking of a bit of a lower target," he deadpanned.

"So was I," she said, before dragging him around a corner.

Back in the CC

"I'll believe it when I can disprove that she's not the source of this new strain of hepatitis in the village," Shizune muttered to herself.

ANT Grounds, 11:33 A.M.

We now find Hatake Kakashi approaching the ANT grounds when he is halted by a small group of ninja, each wearing a helmet of tinted glass visor and black steel for the covering (A Tobi-cookie for all who guess where I got that from), with the Cross-X emblazoned in different color enamel on each of their helms.

"Halt and state your business," said the lead shinobi, its Cross-X colored jet black, identifiable only by the fact that it shone while the helm did not with the mask altering the voice to neither male or female, smooth or course, human or animal.

"Oh, I'm just here to try to gather a team for a mission I was just assigned," said the Cyclops.

"Why did you not follow the submitted procedure and send a request via hawk?" asked the apparent second in command, who's visor had the emblem in a frosted purple.

"I prefer to meet my squad members in person," said Kakashi in his lazy way, although if you looked at his eye closely, you'd notice he was carefully looking for escape routes.

"We shall bring you any squad member you need. Tell us the specialty and they will be sent out here for you," said one with a Cross-X a glinting gold.

"Um… O…K? Just send us someone with a wide range of jutsu," said Kakashi, wondering just how these people worked.

"Mission rank?" asked the black cross one.

"Variable, A to SS. We leave in about two hours," said Kakashi, finally getting a normal question.

"Understood. Your final teammate will be waiting for you at the north gate at 13:00 hours," said the black cross before disappearing.

"That wasn't so bad!" Kakashi said, eye-smiling while he pulled out his porno novel and walked home to prep for his mission.

Meanwhile

A small letter suddenly appeared out of a hole in… the air… and floated down to a ratty tent near the edge of the ANT camp, flying through a hole and onto a table inside.

"What's that?" said a snowy haired man with fangirl magnet looks.

"Just go back to bed, Sparky," said a woman with orange hair with a few shoots of black in it.

"But what is it's from Kattou?" asked Raiden, the man with white hair.

"Fine, but you aren't sleeping tonight," said the smirking carrot-top, who's obviously Shiki. (AN: I use Shiki as translated as 'death' instead of 'four seasons' like some of my fellow authors.)

"Oh and look, I was right! I wish I hadn't gone and gotten this, don't you?" he said with sickly sweet sarcasm.

"Fine. Just read the thing," said Shiki.

"Apparently it's a summons for someone,"

"Fine, I'm getting up, now just send the thing with my messenger-weasel-zombie," said Shiki.

"Didn't you turn it into a killing machine last week?" asked Raiden.

"So? It's what that person deserves for making brother interrupt our time," said Shiki crossly.

"…I'll get a hawk to do it," Raiden deadpanned, before grabbing his chakra-screen-thingy and typing away on it.

12:03:22, Hyuuga residence, Hinata's room

"I'm so bored," Hinata complained, her hair splayed out on her bed. Over the years, Hinata had grown from a shy mousy little girl, to a mostly-confident Jonin. While personality-wise she was mostly the same, although with fewer problems expressing herself, physically she had gone from 'squeeze me, I'm cute' to 'stop hitting on me!' Just then, a letter fell into her room through a slot built into the wall so that she didn't have to open the window for every message hawk.

"I wonder what this says," Hinata said as she opened the letter and read it to herself.

_ Hinata Hyuuga, you have been summoned to the camp of the Arashi no Tensei, on orders of the 'Leader' to discuss information regarding a mutual acquaintance between you both. Please arrive as soon as possible after receiving this letter._

_#1- RK_

As you can expect, Hinata blindly followed the letter, although this would leave her with better results in the end.

Konoha North Gate, 1:30

"Are we ready to leave?" asked Sarutobi Kurenai to the group of of two ninja with her.

"YOSH! THIS SHALL SURELY BE A MOST YOUTHFUL MISSION!" shouted the first Green Beast.

"But we still got to wait for Kakashi-san," said Sarutobi Asuma to the group.

"Not for long, Asuma-koi," said Kurenai, before Kakashi began literally waltzing up to the gate, eye closed, before he stopped right in front of Asuma.

"One ticket to the unrated screening of Icha Icha Erogakure, please!" Kakashi said, before pulling out some 500 ryo notes and slamming them on an imaginary counter while bouncing in unbridled joy.

"Genjutsu kai," said Kurenai, her hands in a seal before Kakashi came to his senses.

"He? Wha… NO!!! WHY?!? WHY HAST THOU DONE THIS TO ME, CRUEL ICHA ICHA GODS? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!???????" screeched Kakashi while falling to the ground, rolling into a fetal position, and drooling and foaming through his mask while crying.

"Dude… you broke his brain, man… Kehehe," said a slightly wispy and also grated voice from the trees, before revealing its owner to be none other than Shichishou. Of course, he wasn't wearing his trademark neon red and green kimono, but was wearing something… normal-ish, having traded it in for a set of plate armor attached to a titanium blue tunic alongside a pair of slacks in the same tones… with a bong attached to them. Go figure. (Note: in no way do I support drug use, I just find it to be a way to squeeze a few miles out of a character… and it makes his fighting style funny!)

"Who is this most un-youthful man?" asked Gai, settling into a relaxed Gouken stance.

"Chill-axe, name's Shichishou. I'm here for the mission thingy that Raiden said stuff and white noise about," he said… before pulling out a toke and lighting it up.

"Are you sure he's a ninja?" asked Asuma.

"I think so, Anko-chan said something about someone named Shichishou in between sticks of dango, but I didn't really get much out of it," said Kurenai.

"Hey, dudes and dudettes aren't we… um… 'posed to like… do something?" asked Shichishou, who was currently poking the pathetic form of Kakashi.

"YOSH! Let us go! I will carry Kakashi-san until he regains his hipness, and if I cannot do that, then I shall do 500 laps around the village using just my chin and neck!" shouted Matio.

"YOSH! GAI-SENSEI!" said a voice from all the way across the village. Gai would have responded… but was stopped by the hand of Kurenai, before they finally left the village.

Meanwhile, despite the fact it happened about an hour before this

"Halt! State your name and purpose for trespassing," said Black-Symbol Man.

"I'm Hyuuga Hinata, I got a summons from someone here," she said while holding out the letter, which Blacky took.

"Verified. I'm to escort you to the the Hall of Ten before you are sent to meet with the 'Leader,'" said the helmeted nin.

"Thank you. And if I may ask, what's your name?" asked Hinata, curious.

"My name is Kazoku Tsuku, Taichou of the 7th division," he said before revealing his face to her. It may have been a trick of the light, but she thought that for a moment, just as the helm rose above his eyes, she saw the Sharingan, but when she double checked, it was gone.

Five minutes later

"Welcome to the illustrious Hall of Ten!" shouted Shiki, who was sitting in her chair.

"Thank you, but why are all of you gathered here?" asked Hinata, as they would surely have no reason to gather just for her.

"We're here for our daily meeting," said Senkou.

"But what is more important than that is to send you to the location of your appointment, unless of course you find it in your heart to allow me a… quick glimpse of how the Byakugan works?" said Daraku, looking over her and staring directly at her eyes with his bio-mechanical eye.

"Enough! Let's just send her on her way," said Raiden before opening a small curtain, revealing a doorway… with nothing behind it.

"How's that going to get me anywhere?" asked Hinata.

"Watch!" shouted Shiki, who then pushed Hinata through the doorway… and into a glowing blue spirally portal type thingy… before a stream of black-ish humanoid things followed her.

"This cannot be good," said Kaze. (Never is.) (ACM: Yes, use the cliché my young padawan.) (Need I hurt you?)

On other side of the portal

"Where am I?" asked Hinata, who had found herself in one of the strangest places ever. It was a forest like none other. For one thing, everything was blue. The ground, the trees, the sky even were all the same shade of pulsing, living blue. For another thing, none of the trees had leaver or needles, each just having bare branches. It was… strange.

"You're in my home, the Chakra Forest," said a voice a baritone voice that almost made her shiver at hearing it. She quickly turned to see, standing in the branches of one of the trees, a tall (6' 5". Oh, and to whomever commented that I made the mistake of putting 6'00" as short, I'm sorry. My perception of height is rather skewed by me being tall myself) man in a bright rust red trench coat with silver and pitch flames dancing at its edges and the Cross-X of the ANT on its back done in a shining gold, the hilt of a sword resting at his side. His hair was a sterling silver layered over a bright sun-kissed blond with black at the tips of its spikes that covered his ears, although you could tell they were pointed back. But, she'd never forget the face behind all these things.

"Naruto-kun?"

(MWAHAHAHA!!!!! Ox, tiger, rabbit, snake, bird, tiger, rat! Cliffhanger no jut…) (Tobi: I'm free! EAT THE COOKIE!) (GACK! People, just keep reading while I try to stop him.)

"Not anymore, but yeah," said our hero, who finally gets mentioned.

"You're the leader of the ANT?" asked Hinata, still in shock and not yet realizing that this isn't a dream.

"I never think small," Naruto said with a smirk.

"So if you're not Naruto anymore, what should I call you?" she asked.

"Kattou. Rasen Kattou," he said, smiling.

"Swirl discord?" asked Hinata, wondering what possessed him to name himself that.

"I don't mock your name, sunshine," said Kattou.

Where are we?" she asked, wondering about the strange forest.

"My home and command center, the Shinrin no Chakra. It is from here that I do everything from deciding the long term missions to making the laws that run the ANT," he said, smiling.

"If you run the important stuff, why are you here and not with your people?" she asked, still thinking that she's dreaming and, in her experience, the dream ends right before the kiss, so if she could stall long enough, she'd have much more time with her beloved.

"I venture to the normal world all the time. After all, I'm pretty sure that Ayame's been bragging about the man able to eat 50 bowls of ramen in one sitting," he said, jumping down and smiling a rather… devilish smirk, one Hinata would never forget. Although that may have had to do with the fact that her thoughts at the moment, if someone were reading this as a fanfiction written by a teenager, they would read her thoughts as '_Naruto-kun is so… so… SEXY!_' but, as we all know, any author like that would change his text because he's obviously an egoti… IGNORE HIM. I OWN YOU ALL. GET ME GOLD AND REVIEWS. OBEY MY RULE. (If anyone can say where I got that, the first person to do so gets to be an OC in this!)

"But why don't you live with the others?" she asked, pushing a blush down, but only being partly successful, leaving her looking like a shy Gennin again.

"I exiled myself to here for the same reason I exiled the Taichou to a Spartan living," he said, slightly disheartened.

"What do you mean?" she asked, wondering what could make her 'dream Naruto' so sad.

"I mean exactly that. Those who attain the position of Taichou get the rattiest tents, the plainest furniture, and the most basic of almost everything. I did this and exiled myself here because of one thing," he said, looking away.

"What?" she asked.

"_Power Corrupts_. I used to have a system rather like the standard system in Konoha, but without the council to ruin things. But eventually, the power went to my head, and I almost destroyed all that I worked for," he said, a single tear running down his face.

"Nobody's perfect. I'm positive you never did anything to try to hurt people," she said, moving over to him.

"Thanks Sunshine, I needed that," he said, causing her to smile.

(Queue the music! The song for this fight is _Indestructible _by Disturbed! Thanks for this song go to KingKakashi and Imorta twilight Dragon.)

Suddenly, he pushed her a good 50 feet away from him, before Hell rained down on him. Dozens upon dozens of fire jutsu with sheets of exploding kunai fell down upon him, while gusts and blades of wind flew at the Hell-storm of flame that surrounded our hero.

"By order of Danzou-sama, you have been sentenced to death, Rasen Kattou, for threatening the safety and integrity of Konoha. You, Hyuuga-san, are hereby sentenced to death to protect village secrets," said a voice in the trees, before about 25 ANBU with the word 'Ne' carved into their masks stepped from the forest. Then, suddenly, they felt _**it**_. A sudden shockwave of pure, unadulterated, concentrated chakra ripped through the clearing, emanating from the still smoking 'whatever the Hell wasn't annihilated in the explosion' area.

"Impossible. There is no possible way that a human could survive that," said one of the ANBU.

"First you call me a demon, then judge me like a human! I would have thought people would have learned something by now: _**Don't underestimate me!!!**_" shouted a familiar voice from the… I'm not even sure the word 'crater' does it justice. When the smoke was blown away by a conveniently placed gust of wind, it revealed someone that was definitely NOT Naruto. For one thing, this man had brilliant fire red hair with silver tips, which was set in a pony tail down his neck a full 3 feet. Add to the fact that he had bright and lethal-looking green eyes and the fact he had VERY long fangs, and he looked more like demonic power given human form. Although, if we had some sort of fictious power to read minds, Hinata's would read something along the lines of '_Oh, Kami-sama, he's so SEXY!'_

"We'll kill you, demon!" shouted one of the ROOT ANBU, who charged forward with a ninjato drawn.

"**Bring it!**" our hero shouted, his voice demonic, and the fight started.

Three ROOT jumped at him, blades drawn, before perishing when Naruto ducked and tripped each of them, causing them to stab each other. Another two charged in, but fell when Naruto… how to put this delicately? If anyone knows a delicate way to say 'ripped out his jugular and tied it in a knot' then please tell me. Anyways, by now, Naruto had wiped his hand over a small seal on his wrist and drew from the puff of smoke a sword, specifically a claymore, the blade a brilliant silver and the hilt covered in runes. Naruto then began cutting a swath of destruction through the forces of ROOT, till 12 of the remaining 13 gathered into a phalanx to try to ward off their attacker.

"**Thank you for making it so easy,**" said Naruto, as he began to levitate above the ground, before a large array of seals bloomed out below the collected ROOT nin. Then Naruto raised his hand above his head, before closing it into a fist and bringing it down… before the equivalent of a year's worth of lightning bolts rained down upon all within the seal, while nothing else was harmed.

Suddenly, the last of the ROOTs jumped out, his mask shattered revealing a pale face with blue hair and brown eyes. "I recognize you from that attack on that base in Ame. You're the Wanatacchi Kira!" the ninja said, his sword held tightly, ready to block the claymore.

"You're right. That means you know how this will end," said Kattou, who then Shunshin-ed behind his enemy and punched him once in the back… before, with a loud 'crack' sound, his body was covered in bruises and his bones, each of them, were broken, blood forced out every orifice in his body mixing with that of the already slain, painting this world of cool blue with the blood of misguided patriots. '_This… This is REAL! I'm not dreaming! Naruto-kun's back!'_ were the last thoughts of Hyuuga Hinata before she did the one thing she could; she fainted.

Meanwhile, at the Security Center of the ANT Grounds

"Tsuku-sama, we have a reading!" said one of the members of the 7th division.

"Speed, number, and PR," he said calmly, although if you looked closely you could almost see a flash of red in his eyes.

"Speed is about 40.23 KP/H. There are two targets and the power rating is about 8000 CH each," said the man.

"Good work. Call in Raiden, tell him it's time to hunt," Tsuku said.

"Understood."


	5. Five and Fighting, Insert Cliche Here

**Me: I'm back, baby! This is the first time I've updated FOTS twice in a row, and I admit it's because it's because it won't get out of my head. It won't stay down!**

**Hinata: That's because me and Naruto are finally together!**

**Kattou/Naruto: Tell me about it.**

**Raiden: Or maybe it's because I'm so badass!**

**Me: You're all wrong! It's because…**

**All of Them: Because???**

**Me: Because I like writing Shichishou!**

**All of Them Besides Shichishou: *sweatdrops***

**Shichishou: Sweet man…**

**Shiki: How has he not died yet, with all the drugs he does?**

**Daraku: It's because he me…**

**Me: *pulls out a Desert Eagle* You reveal anything, I kill you. Now, roll film!**

Konoha Council room, 8:31:23

"You can't possibly be serious!" shouted Danzou.

"Afraid so. For disobeying direct orders from the Hokage and attempting to assassinate a political leader of an ally of Konoha, you have been sentenced to death in 3 days. You may come quietly, or we will be forced to use violence," said an ANBU to the cripple.

After 13 years, Tsunade finally had the proof she needed to bring him to justice. The cripple had finally slipped up and tried to assassinate the 'Leader' who's name she still had yet to learn. When Danzou normally fails, he's able to launch a cover-up almost immediately. But according to the ANT, his men had been trapped in some sort of temporary prison and, like the rats they were, they were slaughtered. The only reason that she herself hadn't taken the blame was because the ANT sent back all the masks; 1 to her and the rest to the ANBU department and the council. 'Surprisingly' the one sent to her was the only one that hadn't been 'accidentally' destroyed or 'misplaced' in a bureaucratic transfer. The only thing that distressed her was the fact that Hyuuga Hinata had disappeared. This was made all the more suspicious by the fact that even her closest friends had no clue as to where she might be.

Area surrounding ANT camp

"Raiden, they should be at about 3:15 o'clock and on an intercept course to our present location to hit in about 3 minutes at their present speed. What is our plan of attack?" asked/said Tsuku.

"If I'm right, then let me take my target. I've got a little score to settle," said Raiden.

"Would not a coordinated attack be a wiser choice? Use you as a spear head while I sweep up the remains?" said Tsuku.

"The time for battle plans has passed," said a well accented voice, before a man with incredibly pale skin and long dark hair jumped into the clearing the two were in. He had on no shirt and a pair of camo-pants and combat boots with a band on his chest and back with knives holstered in it and a belt on his waist holding a single sheathed knife.

"Ketsuki!" shouted Raiden before drawing his sword and dashing off after the man who ran into the forest. Tsuku was about to follow when a single red edged kunai landed in front of him. This kunai, by the simplest application of logic, must have belonged to the woman who just entered the clearing. She looked much like the man Raiden called Ketsuki, with long dark hair and pale skin, but with glowing violet eyes, while wearing a kimono with a katana at its side. Drawing her sword, she charged.

Meanwhile, in Ta no Kuni

"How much longer?" asked Kakashi in regards to their arrival to the mission objective.

"3 more hours at this pace, exactly 5 minutes sooner than when you asked 5 minutes ago," said an annoyed Kurenai. Although, considering their company, I wouldn't blame her.

"Dudes, I got an idea… Let's eat that bug! We could so do it! It'd only take like, a minute!" Shichishou said while pointing to an elephant sized beetle.

"You think your Flames of Youth would let you consume that in a minute? Then I shall eat a bug just as big in 55 seconds, and if I cannot then I shall wrestle three bears with my feet tied together! YOSH!" shouted Matio Gai.

"Calm down Gai. And Shichishou, we are NOT going to eat that bug," said Asuma before walking off.

"Why is it almost all Jonin are crazy?" wondered Kurenai aloud.

"Least you can't get much more nuts then Gai," said Asuma to his wife.

Meanwhile, in the Konoha Psych Ward

In a spongy white room, a man in a neon green straight jacket was rocking back and forth while shouting to himself. "Today I'll burrow out using only my teeth, and if I cannot do that, then when I escape I shall kill 3 men with just one swing of a sledge hammer! And if I cannot do that, then I shall surfboard down the Hokage monument on a new corpse! YOSH! FOR YOUTH!!!!!!! YOUTH WILL FREE ME!!!!! MY FLAMES OF YOUTH WILL BURN YOU ALL!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!!!" shouted a man who'd been in the KPW for a full 26 years. His doctors made a note to up his medication another 500 milligrams.

Meanwhile, in the Shinrin no Chakra

"Oh, my head," groaned Hinata as she slowly woke up.

"Kattou-sama, it seems she's coming to," said a calm and even voice.

"Thanks Guardian. Hinata, you ok?" asked a voice Hinata knew very well. It may have been deeper than she always remembered, but it was still her Naruto-kun's voice!

"Naruto-kun?" she asked, needing verification.

"At the moment, no. Just open your eyes already, silly," he said, causing the sunny little mouse of a woman to open her eyes, and thus she saw. For standing before her was the 'red haired god of destruction and wonder' from when she passed out.

"I want to speak to Naruto-kun," she said, causing the man to smirk, before he… shattered?

Meanwhile, with Raiden

Raiden was currently fighting his oldest enemy, the man who refused to die. Honestly, was it really so much to ask that when you stab someone through the forehead he stay dead?

"Ah, so Raiden has a new toy to play with," said Ketsuki, admiring Raiden's sword.

"Yeah, a blade that even you can't heal from!" shouted Raiden.

"Ah, but even you cannot refuse a duel, so we fight with knives," said Ketsuki, while drawing a knife from the pouch on his belt and licking the blade with an abnormally long tongue while showing off strangely long and sharp canines.

"Then let's dance," said Raiden while drawing his own knife from its holster on his ankle.

Meanwhile, with Tsuku

Tsuku was having trouble. It wasn't because his opponent was stronger than him, but because she was fast, just like his archenemy Senkou. Not only did he have to dodge the occasional kunai and that infernal sword of hers, he also had to deal with those finger nails which he saw _cut straight through_ a shuriken he threw at her! He also rather didn't care much for the look of hunger when she eyed his jugular. Add in he'd had to use copious amounts of chakra on jutsu and you have yourself quite the problem, as he was just below half stores on chakra. It was then he noticed a small cut just bloomed from his arm.

"You seemed to be far stronger when the battle started," said the woman, before licking a fingernail, revealing a drop of blood on it as evidence of having used it to cut him. But the moment the blood touched her tongue, the meager wounds she had on her vanished. "As one last right, you should know my name. I am Liv, and you; Kazoku Tsuku, are dead. It is odd, I expected sweeter blood from one so famed."

Tsuku, knowing he'd die if he couldn't turn this around, said one thing; "Kazoku Tsuku might die to you, so I just have to be someone else." And then, he shattered.

Meanwhile, in the Shinrin no Chakra

After Kattou shattered, the pieces fell away and revealed Naruto exactly as he looked when Hinata was reunited with him.

"What just happened?" asked Hinata, perplexed by this new development.

"What you just saw is one of the things that makes the Arashi no Tensei so powerful and divides a Taichou from a normal shinobi," said Naruto. (I'm going to call him Naruto when he's blond and Kattou when he's the 'red haired god of destruction and wonder') "In the ANT you seal away a portion of your 'identity' in exchange for power. It causes a few changes like alterations in looks and minor changes in personality. What you just saw was something only the Taichou can do: Shinkai, releasing your true form. If a person could do this, then it's like almost doubling your power," explained Naruto, smiling at the brief looks of confusion that flashed every once and a while over Hinata's face.

"Why are you explaining all this to me?" asked Hinata.

"Because you're joining! Even if you don't want to, you know too much to not. But I know you want to," said Naruto, smiling that coy smile of his that would always melt Hinata's heart.

Meanwhile, in Konoha High Security Prison

Danzou was hunched over a small table, his only comfort while waiting for death. But he wasn't just going to let them eliminate him. He was a true patriot, as were his followers. If it meant his plans to make Konoha great again worked then he'd give any number of 'Ne' ANBU for the cause. All he had to do was wait 3 hours and he would begin operation 'Endgame' in full.

Meanwhile, with Raiden

As we look in, Raiden is in trouble. His opponent had broken code and drawn his throwing knives and pinned his wrists to his own shoulders after a furious clash of blades and blood. He would be slaughtered if he didn't free his hands. Luckily, he was able to gain the needed leverage to do so when he flipped his opponent with his head. And, as one would realize, these blades formed a rather useful killing tool. And so, Raiden's dagger bathed in crimson and Ketsuki's in silver, they clashed again.

All Ketsuki could do to keep from spazzing out from joy at the battle was lick his blade clean.

Meanwhile, with Tsuku

"What if I was not Kazoku Tsuku? What if I was..." said the figure made of glowing shards, before it crystallized into…

"No…" said Liv in what looked like fear.

"What if I was Uchiha Itachi?" he said while pulling away the cloak he was wearing, revealing a set of ANBU style armor, but upgraded a few stages with added shoulder pads, forearm guards, and shin guards, with everything being matte black, with the exception of a gloss red X-cross right over his true heart. (For those medical noobs out there, your heart is NOT off-center to the left of your chest; it is dead-center in the middle of the rib-cage.)

It was then that the battle began in full. Now queue the music! _Goodbye_ by SR-17! Thanks to EDelta88 for suggesting this!

No words were spoken as Itachi activated his Sharingan and drew a single jet black ninjato blade from its sheath behind his shoulder. No actions were taken until a single maple leaf floated into the clearing, right between the two opponents. Then, right as it was about chest high, it was sliced into 3 pieces as the two fighters blurred. Itachi ducked under a stab she'd launched at him as he was coming out of their Overdramatic Samurai Style Duel Stance before he countered with a swipe from his much quicker ninjato, which was countered by those infernal nails of hers, which luckily weren't strong enough to harm his sword. As they disengaged, Itachi sealed out a Kanton: Goukakyuu no jutsu at his opponent.

"You'll need more than that to kill me!" Liv shouted, dashing out and slicing 'Itachi' in half before she noticed something; 'Itachi' was never made of exploding tags wrapped around a core of high explosives and painted with colored gunpowder. As you might expect, the explosion left nothing breathing within what once was the clearing.

Meanwhile, with Raiden

Raiden had just drawn his sword and impaled Ketsuki through the gut with it, while the man attempted to un-impale himself. After finally doing so, Raiden slashed him across the chest, brutally wounding him. In a last ditch attempt at survival, Ketsuki licked Raiden's silvery blood off his dagger, but to no affect.

"Why does… your blood… not heal me?" staggered out Ketsuki, in obvious agony.

"My blood is different from a human's. My blood is from the marrow of a demon, and far more potent than a human's and also poisonous. The moment my blood touched your lips it destroyed your natural healing ability, and my blade itself causes wounds made by it to never heal. You were doomed the moment you took me as your opponent," said Raiden, before Ketsuki found himself missing a head. But before Raiden had time to celebrate the defeat of an opponent he'd been training to kill for 10 years, a battalion of Oto ninja dropped from the canopy of the forest, while a large explosion echoed in the distance.

Meanwhile, with Itachi/Tsuku

Itachi was standing still, waiting for his opponent to strike. After all, it would not be wise to think that an opponent of his would be stopped by a cheap trick such as his exploding scarecrow. One did not get to the level needed to make him release his Shinkai by being an idiot. This was proved all the more when he suddenly had to block a set of 10 red edged kunai.

"You will pay for humiliating me! I will drink you dry of all your blood!" said Liv after jumping into the clearing Itachi was in, her face twisted with rage and her body bloodied and bruised and her cloths heavily torn, allowing Itachi a glimpse of something important. (Not what you think.) (Alternate Critic Me: And here I thought you were a TOTALLY irredeemable closet pervert.) (Oh, c'mon! Let's face it, half the people would think I'm giving Itachi a free peek if I didn't say that! Plus, everyone's a perv to an extent on some level, otherwise there would be no new babies in the world.) (ACM: Yes, use the rationalization my young padawan.)

"Then fight," said Itachi, before he dissolved into a mass of ravens that flew away in different directions from him. At this point Liv was regretting not knowing how to break genjutsu and not having her father's regeneration abilities, but it was at the time worth the cost. That was something that was proven wrong as she suddenly had to dodge and block barrage after barrage of shuriken. What made this all the more dangerous was the fact that these shuriken were obviously custom made. They were raptor claw style, the same shape as Itachi's Mangekyo Sharingan and must have been made of some new type of alloy because they were damaging her titanium strong nails and her katana. But then she finally managed to break the genjutsu in the simplest of ways: she bit her tongue, revealing Itachi, who was running in to try to separate her head from her neck. Unfortunately, she'd grown rather fond of living, so she blocked then dashed a short-ish (for ninja) distance to a lake, giving her the edge, as she now had the perfect water source to counter his fire-style jutsu.

"This is your end!!!" she shouted, charging up chakra for a special jutsu she'd been working on.

"I think not," said Itachi, before his Sharingan began to spin at incredible speed. Faster and faster it began to spin till it suddenly reversed direction and slowly came to a stop. But when it stopped, it revealed something one would not expect. Instead of its normal raptor shuriken, his Mangekyo was different. It looked like someone doubled his Mangekyo and flipped it backwards before overlaying it on the original before adding a ring near the center to complete it. "You are the first to taste this power, the power I gained from taking the preserved eyes of Uchiha Shisui for my own. My Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan! Kuronami no Amaterasu!" shouted Itachi while raising his hand as he turned sideways with his head facing Live, before a burning river of black flames issued forth from his palm at his opponent who tried to futilely dodge the attack, only for Itachi to swing the stream of death after her continually, only for her to run out of room and was caught in the flames of Hell itself. The moment Itachi was sure she was dead, he dispelled the flames.

"It seems you over estimated yourself. While your power rating is about 8000 CHs, mine is over 9000," said Itachi as he walked off. (ACM: Unable to resist, I see.)(Oh, shut up!)(ACM: I could have sworn you prided yourself on avoiding what's already been done to death, yet here you use something older than Naruto itself.)(Go to Hell!)(ACM: We're already going there!)(I know. I just want you there while I'm here.)

"No… I won't die like this!" shouted a voice, before Itachi turned around and saw Liv. Or at least what was left of her. Covered in burns and with a large section of her abdomen missing, it was surprising she could breath, let alone stand. He was all the more shocked when she managed to dash past him before a cut bloomed out of his cheek. It was then that she licked the single drop of blood from the nail she used to cut him, instantly healing her.

"Sweet! Your blood is so sweet! So… very… VERY SWEET! SWEET!!!" she screeched, before her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she fell to the ground, convulsing uncontrollably while her mouth was agape with a silent scream. It was then that Raiden walked in, his arms limp at his sides and sword clenched tight in his mouth. Itachi then removed the sword and Raiden began to speak.

"What did you do to her for THAT to happen?" asked Raiden, wondering at the fact that not only was his fellow Taichou's opponent in convulsions from something besides Tsukuyomi and the fact she didn't have a scratch on her.

"I'm not entirely sure. She has the ability to heal by consuming others blood, and she attempted to do that with a drop of mine. After ingesting it, she said it was 'so very, very sweet' and she went into this state," said Itachi, who then reverted to Tsuku in a display of lights.

"Then we should kill her before she recovers and attacks us both. You're on your last legs and I had to fight off a human regenerator and 25 Oto nin. Even together, we'd never be able to take her," said Raiden while gesturing with his jaw for his sword.

"I don't think so. I think she could become a staunch ally," said Tsuku. (Alright, at this point I gotta say something. Just whose idea was it to design the QWERTY keyboard with the letters UIO in succession? If that person wasn't probably already dead, I'd kill 'em myself. I wonder how hard it is to learn DVORAC? I keep typing out Tsiki, Tsuki, Tsuko, and other variants.)

"Why's that?" asked Raiden.

"This," said Tsuku, before he reached toward the shoulder of her kimono.

"Oh Kami above! If this is how you get off, then I'm out of here!" shouted Raiden.

"No, look," said Tsuku, before sliding the kimono shoulder… area?... over revealing a tattoo. The tattoo was a group of 3 roman numerals: LIV.

"So what?" asked Raiden, rather annoyed.

"This marks her as one of Orochimaru's experiments. Specifically, the Bloodline Advancement Series, number 54," said Tsuku.

"You think brainwashing?" asked Raiden.

After nodding his head, Tsuku said, "Not just that. I think there's also some major growth acceleration along with whatever twisted add-ons Orochimaru decided she could use."

"Augh, stupid Orochimaru! I remember when the BAS only went to 30, and most of them we killed. Ah well, I'll ring up Daraku and Guardian," said Raiden, walking off while pulling out his chakra screen thing.

Meanwhile, in the Shinrin no Chakra

"Leader-sama, are you ready to see the latest addition to the Arashi no Tensei?" asked Guardian happily.

"Just show me," Naruto said, smiling under his blindfold and still un-transformed for the time being.

"Here we go!" exclaimed Guardian happily, all but ripping off the blindfold. What Naruto saw left his mouth agape.

Where once stood the mousy little girl from Konoha, there was now this goddess of moonlight. With silvery white hair pulled back and tied with a ribbon of stormy blue and wearing a short sleeved dress, its color a reflected white with golden designs, almost like shadows in water, traced down the sleeves and near the hem. Accompanying this was a set of silver stockings and a pair of white sandals. "Beautiful…" said Naruto, causing the girl to look down a bit in embarrassment with a cute blush faintly adorning her face as her now amethyst eyes looked up to him.

"I decided she needs to look her best! The cloth is woven from ninja wire, and the sandals have a super high traction base and… you are totally ignoring me…" Guardian said while face vaulting, before saying, "You know, she still needs a new name! Can't go around calling her 'Hyuuga-sama!'"

"Tsukuyomi," said Naruto, reverting to Kattou as his concentration was placed entirely on this inhuman wonder before him.

"I like it," she said, a small smile on her face shining with the reflection of the sun itself.

"Oh, by the way, I managed to get a reservation at this place in the village, want to join me for dinner?" asked Kattou, slightly embarrassed while he scratched the back of his head. (Smooth man, real smooth.)(ACM: Coming from you?)(Ah, fuck you, you bastard child of doubt and self loathing! TOBI! SICK'EM!)(Tobi: I'm free! The entire world shall taste the might of my new cookies! EAT THE COOKIES! EAT THEM!)(ACM: *runs away, trying to keep bladder in control*)(Dear god, Tobi's worse than the girl scouts! Crap, now I have to wrangle Tobi! *pulls out a pair of hook swords*)

Meanwhile, at the entrance to the ANT Camp

Two ANBU were approaching the ANT camp, when they were suddenly stopped. "Halt! State your name, not your codename, and your reason for being here!" said a random member of the 7th division.

"My name's Kouryuu, I was sent by Hokage-sama to request a meeting between her and your 'Leader' at noon tomorrow," said the closet genius.

"Fuck that! I'll kill you bastards! I'll kill you all! Maybe if I kill enough of you, Sasuke will love me! Then, we'll get married, have a house in the country, have 9 children, and live happily ever after! Now, DIE!!!" shouted the other ANBU with Kouryuu… before Kouryuu chopped his head off, the mask coming off and revealing a _male_ face.

"Masashi, I thought you had SOME small shrivel of intelligence in that empty thing you call a skull, but that's just ridiculous!" said Kouryuu before burning the body… after stabbing the crotch, due to the fact he never had a chance to do so while he was alive

"Um… I'm going to ignore that and relay your message to 'Leader-sama' if you please," said the random peon of the 7th division, before proofing away. (I've been planning that for a while. I was actually going to use that in a few chapters, but Kishimoto pissed me off with chapter 460. Sasuke just up and kills about 30 highly trained samurai without taking a scratch! What the hell!?!)

**Me: And that's a wrap! I'd like to thank any who read this and still continue reading despite what I've done with Naruto and Hinata. Also, to the dark-Naruto fans, your moment is coming soon!**

**Random Flamer: How dare you do that to Kishimoto-sama!**

**Neji: *Juukens RF in the heart* He deserves it for giving me girly hair!**

**Me: thank you Neji. Anyway, to those of you who read **_**Naruto: the Cloaked Schemer**_**, you probably already know I'm a huge fan of Miyazaki, and also know that Miyazaki" may do no wrong" as I've said. Now that I've seen Ponyo, I have to say… MIYAZAKI MAY DO NO WRONG, STILL! On the other hand, I have to find a way to legally kill Noah Cyrus. That or a good alibi. Honestly, a voice that makes you want to kill yourself. But still, a good-enough Miyazaki film. And if you're still reading my inane ranting and comments, I have to tell you that the contest I opened way the hell back in chapter 3 is closed, and no one entered. Also, if enough people request, I'll start to put up profiles of the Taichou. Two things left to say, and then I'll sign off. #1: I'm sorry I took so long for this, but I just started high school. Go Bingham Miners! And finally, if anyone knows anything that can help me with Naruto's date next chapter, I'll credit you. I'm totally clueless on the reactions of the 'farer sex.' That is, if you can say that.**

**Shiki: What the fuck do you mean by that?!?**

**Me: For one thing, you all, in general, seem bat-shit crazy! For another, I'm a 15-year-old who's never actually been on a date, or hung out with a girl past 6th grade, or had much social interaction in general! Anyways, enough self pity. Later peoples!**

_**For Ever or Never**_

_**-InfinityorNone**_


	6. Torch it All, Well Save the Dinette Set

**Me: HELLO PEOPLES!!! Streaming down the Infobahn at 54.0 Mbps, it's chapter 6 of **_**Fury of the Storm**_**!!!**

**Random Crowd of People: Yay! Wahoo! General approval!**

**Me: Thank you, thank you. You're all to kind. Now, let's get sta…**

**Naruto: HEY! You bastard! You finally have me and Hina-chan together, and you do a plot-split!!!**

**Me: It builds suspense!**

**Senkou: And you haven't mentioned me!**

**Me: You'll be more important later.**

**Anko: And you STILL haven't told me about Daraku's connection to the snake!**

**Me: All in good time. Now let's roll!!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Suneku Ita, 5:12:53 P.M.

Suneku Ita was an out of the way little place, neither in the shinobi section of Konohagakure nor was it on the civilian side. It was actually located, quite literally, on the wall of the village. While this meant that it got few customers, it also presented a great degree of exclusivity and allowed quality control of customers. At its doorstep is where we find Tsukuyomi and Kattou.

"Ah, welcome Kattou-dono, your seat has been readied for you," said a peon waiter, who then led the pair inside and to a seat near the back of the room. As they were led back, they looked over the place, and were quite impressed. A candle lit atmosphere, with wood furniture that looked like it had been grown into shape, and they had an actual band and dance floor. The waiter quickly came and took their orders.

"How'd you find this place?" asked the only female we care about at the moment.

"The current owner was a customer of mine before I started the ANT. Anyways, how's life been treating you lately?" asked our hero.

"Meh, it's been pretty dull. But that'll change soon," she said, scratching the back of her head before leaning in a bit.

"What makes you say that?" asked Kattou.

"I have a chance with you now," she said, grinning before giving a quick peck to his cheek. (Random Hinata Fan: HEY!!! What do you mean "A chance?") (What, you honestly thought he'd suddenly sweep her off her feet and have 9 kids at the drop of a hat?) (RHF: Everyone else does it.) (And that alone is a reason not to do it. I hate being a Harbinger of Things Already Done. Anyways, Naruto's been away from her for 13 years! Sure, he may not have gone out with anyone or gotten laid, but people evolve and circumstance changes everything.) At that time, the waiter came and brought them their orders, before a commotion on the band stage caught their attention.

"Hello patrons! We are MCFB! We hope you enjoy your meal while we show you the joy of our music!" shouted a blond man with long hair and obvious hair extensions, before he and his 5 man band began to… 'play' if you could call it that. That is, before the candles were all simultaneously blown out and a few noises came from the stage, before the lights came back, but a different band was on stage. In place of the band that sucked was a group of 4 people, although it looked like it was two sets of identical twins actually, each with instruments that bore the mark of the Arashi no Tensei upon them is some way.

"HELLOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo Konoha! We are Kage Bunshin Squad! We apologize for KO-ing your band, but they sucked anyway!" shouted the man in front of the mike, getting applause for getting rid of the crap band, before he said, "We're here because our boss is on a date today! Over there in the back! Everyone applaud him for finally getting a girl!" This, as you can guess, caused the off scene guy with the spotlight to move it over to Kattou and Tsukuyomi, who both hid their faces while blushing, before the guy on stage said, "Our hope is that, maybe if he gets lucky, we get a raise! So here it goes!" he shouted, causing said Leader to blush brightly, although he was doubled by his date before the music started.

"_In the car, I just can't wait  
To pick you up on our very first date  
Is it cool if I hold your hand?  
Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance?  
Do you like my stupid hair?  
Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?  
I'm just scared of what you think  
You make me nervous so I really can't eat_

_Let's go  
Don't wait  
This night's almost over  
Honest  
Let's make  
This night last forever  
Forever, and ever, let's make this last forever  
Forever, and ever, let's make this last forever_

_When you smile, I melt inside  
I'm not worthy for a minute of your time  
I really wish it was only me and you  
I'm jealous of everybody in the room  
Please don't look at me with those eyes  
Please don't hint that you're capable of lies  
I dreamt the thought of our very first kiss  
A target that I'm probably gonna' miss_

_Let's go  
Don't wait  
This night's almost over  
Honest  
Let's make  
This night last forever  
Forever, and ever, let's make this last forever  
Forever, and ever, let's make this last forever_

_Let's go  
Don't wait  
This night's almost over  
Honest  
Let's make  
This night last forever  
Forever, and ever, let's make this last forever  
Forever, and ever, let's make this last forever  
Forever, and ever, let's make this last forever  
Forever, and ever, let's make this last forever"_

"That was a shout out to our boss! Wait, where'd he go?"

Meanwhile, outside Suneku Ita

"Sorry about them. Some of the members of the ANT can't just stay out of my personal life," said Kattou, leading our favorite ex-Hyuuga away from the building.

"It's fine. Are you actually going to give them that raise?" she asked.

"Don't be ridiculous! I'm tempted to have them sent to the the cleaning squad for that!" he said, laughing.

"Don't be too hard on them, they only tried to help out," she said, smiling as they made their way into town, before asking, "so, what are we going to do now?"

"I was thinking we just take a walk around the village. After that, whatever the fair maiden doth want!" he exclaimed, bowing to her while laughing.

"In that case, there's something I've always wanted to do," she said, a glint in her eyes.

One walk later, outside Hyuuga compound

"Alright, are you sure you want to do this?" asked our hero, questioning the sanity of his companion.

"Trust me, it needs to be done," she said, smiling as she lifted the container at her side to shoulder height, looking down at the pool of frothy water below.

"I understand where you're coming from, but why this?" he asked.

"If you can find a better method to get them to stop acting so high and mighty than dyeing the entire Hyuuga clan's load of laundry heliotrope for the next month, speak up now," she said, her violet eyes glowing slightly in the moonlight.

"Ok, ok. Let's get wild!" he exclaimed as they dumped drums of dye into the gigantic Suiton powered washer, laughing as they did.

"That's something I've wanted to do for years!" said Tsukuyomi, laughing and smiling so hard she could barely see.

"Just like my pranking days. Hey, you up for one last thing before we go back to the camp?" asked Kattou

Five minutes later, top of Kage Monument

"C'mon, we're almost there," said Kattou, as he led Tsukuyomi, blindfolded, by the hand.

"Just show me already!" she said, pouting as they finally stopped, before he undid the blindfold. What she saw left her dazzled. It was a pond, surrounded by fireflies, as silver winged butterflies acted as mirrors, dotting everything with spots or yellow, red, and orange while a set of will-o-wisps glowed a pale blue and sea green, casting the place in their hues while mirrored fishes swam beneath crystal waters. It was a surrealistic wonderland of dream-light and perfection.

"What is this? It's… beautiful beyond all reasonable thought," said the moonlight goddess.

"You'd be surprised how well I think things out when I need to," said Kattou. Meanwhile, in his inner thoughts, something to the effect of '_thank you Genkaku-chan!_' was going on.

"This is just wonderful! It's been the most amazing night of my life!" said Tsukuyomi, before she spun around and enveloped Kattou in a hug.

"C'mon, let's go back to the camp. We're kind of out of space, so I hope you don't mind bunking with someone," said Kattou.

"It's not the creepy guy with the metal face, is it?" she said suspiciously.

"…Do you think a fool of me?" he said in half joking mock-surprise.

"Let's just go," she said, before they set off for the ANT camp.

Meanwhile, Konoha High Security Prison

The KHSP is considered to be the most secure place in Hi no Kuni. Located inside an active volcano, made from chakra absorbing material, its inmates are constantly shackled and each is forced to wear a chakra-suppressing seal. Added to this is the fact that all the guards are at least Tokubetsu Jonin. But, unfortunately, the Ne ANBU happen to have a counter to each and every facet to this Hellish prison. This was proven when Danzou escaped atop a gigantic moth while all other inmates were killed and all the guards were rendered unconscious. The only thing left of the cripple was a picture of a great tree with the symbol for Konoha for leaves, the Kanji for Ne instead of roots, and a small symbol placed upon the trunk, all of it done in the blood of inmates. If only they knew how important that one symbol would become.

ANT Camp, 3:56:87 minutes later

"Thanks for showing me here," said a smiling Tsukuyomi.

"Think nothing of it. I wouldn't dare let any other do the deed," Kattou said, bowing.

"So, who am I bunking with?" asked the young lady.

"The only person here you already know," said Kattou, before he walked off.

Area Outside ANT Camp, 3 minutes later

"You can come out now. I know you're there," said Kattou, stepping onto the center of a lake, a beam of moonlight illuminating the area while his chakra burst forth, forming into ethereal braces along his body.

"You're pretty good. Just as we expected," said a voice from the shadows before 7 people came out of the darkness.

"You know, I have to wonder why it is that Orochimaru-teme keeps sending men to kill me in such small numbers. After all, if I could kill him once and he could kill each of you at once, then why send you all against me?" he said, placing his left hand over his right wrist, summoning a strange sword with a strait blade, pointed in the center, double edged, about the same width as a katana, and with a skewed _**S**_ shaped handle, the blade the color of poison in the guise of steel and the handle the shade of blood and absinth. (I'm going to clear this up right now for those who are confused right now and so those who aren't won't get confused later. Naruto has 3 swords: one sealed in his left wrist, one sealed in his right, and one constantly at his left hip.) (Random Critic: Why doesn't he seal that last one somewhere?) (All shall be explained.)

Now let's queue the tunes!!! _Sugar We're Goin' Down Swinging_ by Fall Out Boy!

It started when a burly man with dark-ish skin ran onto the lake, his ham-sized fists cloaked by gauntlets as he tried to punch our hero's face into the back of his skull. But Kattou wasn't struck, having slid under the strikes with the grace of a feline, before beating the man away with a strike from the pommel his sword, before he began twirling the blade back and forth along its S curve, looking to another to fight. He didn't have to wait long, as another of the men, a slim and short green haired man with a set of scalpels held between his fingers like claws dashed in like a torpedo shot from its tube, spinning like a madman along the wake he created as he ran. The great Wanatacchi Kira was on the ball though, as he backpedalled as the scalpel-ed madman slashed downward, before Kattou slashed and spun his blade, slashing at the lunatic before said man back-flipped away from the 'red haired god of destruction and wonder' and threw his scalpels, somehow spiraling inward by the spin of the throw.

"Not good enough, least not if you want me dead," said Kattou, who then managed to dodge them all, before they continued on and struck each other mid-flight and refracted out, one of them going through the gauntleted man's skull as he tried to sneak up on the red-head, causing a spray of blood to fly out through the exit wound. Following up on this, Kattou ran up to his remaining enemy and sent a small flourish movement through his blade, neatly carving out his chest cavity, covering him in his blood. It was then that another two men jumped onto the lake, each with black hair in a Mohawk like cut, although the two of them had theirs parted to the left or right. Kattou wrapped his wrist around his sword as he fended off them as they tried to kill him using long-blade kunai, ducking and slashing in tandem. Kattou had to disengage by sinking through the water before he jumped out, just avoiding having his neck split like a banana. (Alternate Critic Me: That just sucked.) (Could you think of anything better?) (ACM: Not my job. My task is to slowly push you closer to perfection. That, or a death caused by alcohol abuse. Whichever happens first.) (You know, I hope the other voices in my head kill you soon.) (ACM: Keh, not going to happen soon! I've enslaved most of them and the others are easily distracted.) (Alternate Otaku Me: Whatever lets me read more manga! Kyehehehehe!) (Last Shred Of Sanity Me: I'm kind of busy making sure he doesn't cause you to think yourself an anime character too much. It's an up-hill battle though!) (Alternate Overlord Me: BWAHAHAHA! You, ACM, think I'M YOUR minion? I OWN YOU ALL!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!)

The men began sealing, attempting to perform a jutsu before our hero could recover, only to find themselves dead by a thrown sword, which embedded itself in a tree outside the clearing. But before the Demonic God in Human Form could recover the sword, three people, two women and one man, shot out of the water in front of him, each of them decked out in ANBU cloaks with the same scary poison orange eyes. But, unfortunately for them, they died when a clone, created when the 'Leader' was underwater, retrieved the sword and sliced two of them in half before stabbing the third through her forehead, dyeing the water at his feet red. The clone then handed the original the blade, before he sealed it while the clone dispersed.

"Not bad for someone so out of practice, Kattou-kun," said a man with grey and yellow, not blond, striped hair, his canines sticking out just a bit farther than normal.

"I might not have been out in the world fighting much lately, but by no stretch of the imagination am I out of practice, Chi Sa-do," said the 'Leader' before he jumped up, sending water into the air while he began to form hand seals, stopping on dragon while the water he scattered into the air formed into about a hundred arrowheads and began launching itself at Sa-do. But Sa-do managed to quickly draw a twin bladed katana (Like Kadaj from FF VII: AC) from a scabbard at his waist, before ripping the Suiton projectiles to bits of moisture.

"Odd, I expected a bit more from one with as much hype as you to have something a bit stronger in store for me," said Sa-Do, before slashing with his blade, sending out a pair of parallel blades of chakra, ripping into the water and almost slicing off Kattou's leg.

"You know, you're right. I couldn't possibly beat you like this with these," he said pointing to the braces along his body, "sucking down chakra and with only about a twelfth my strength usable, so **let's get wild!**" he shouted demonically, shattering and crystallizing into Uzumaki Naruto, with razors of wind dancing at his whims and tendrils of chakra forming over his arms like vines upon a branch.

"Nice to know you're taking me seriously, Wanatacchi Kira, but it won't help you," said the Third-Blood as his blade covered in a sickly pale green chakra and a set of pastel colored orbs floating around his wrist.

"**You know, I hate it when people get cocky with me**," said Naruto, who then began slashing with claws of spinning chakra he created while his enemy was talking. The battle began in full as Su-do was able to block each of the swipes of Naruto's Rasen-Claws while almost dancing around the razors of wind that surrounded our hero, each moment with its own cacophony of clashes, chinks, and sheers, like all the worlds mettles grinding against itself. Disengaging, he began spamming the blond with glowing cut after cut of flying chakra, each stopped by those infernal winds, before he stabbed the water, causing large chunks of the lake to fly into the air, before he began jumping onto the flying platforms of liquid, Naruto doing the same. The two, dashing around the aerial/aquatic battlefield, slicing to be blocked, slashing to be stopped, continued on, each gaining the occasional scratch or wound, each healing solely by the chakra in the air, before the water fell to the ground and they jumped back to their respective edges of the lake.

Now let's change pace with the tunes! _Burn it to the Ground_ by Nickleback!

Su-do, moving his head side to side and shaking his arms out, his eyes taking on a wild and blood-shot look, said, "Kami, I'm so excited! This is what I mean! Hell, when I'm done with you, I think it'll take at least 3 women to bring me down this time! I should try out that girl you had on your arm earlier and maybe that green-haired chick. After that, I think I'll find out if your sis's a screamer!"

The sudden look upon Naruto's face said it all, his eyes slit almost in two, his chakra taking on a color that can only be described as bloody sin, like the life of your veins spilt and left to dry for an hour but keeping its hue. His hands grew claws, serrated and long, and his teeth changed to that of a true carnivore, one built to eat only the most fearsome of creatures. To Su-do, it was the visage of one who would laugh as he would feast upon the very existence of sinners. One to whom redemption of others was a concept beyond imagination.

"_**You are no man, or even the most pathetic of worms. You are the lowest of all creatures, a murderer of souls, and a corrupter of what small innocence is left in this Hellish world. One such as you has no worth in this life or the next. I shall cleanse this realm of your worthless existence, for there is no love of Kami for you, even at her most merciful. May you find no rest, forever haunted by those for whom you have wrought not but ruin. Now die, and be not even a memory!**_" shouted Naruto, the raw disgust and rage you could see but a small gust in the tempest and furor of his emotions as he reached with his right hand to his left hip before grasping the hilt of the blade that rest there and drew the sword. With a long, thin edge of ashen bone with a winged wolf carved upon it and a woven guard knitted of dark and vine-ed steel, it was a weapon no man should have to live with having seen it turned to him. And, as would fate have it, none would.

Naruto slashed forth with an elegant yet deadly precision and speed, one the Third-Blood could barely match. It was no longer a fight so much as an arranged slaying in the feeblest of guises as fair. Thrusting again and again with that Hell-fueled blade, Su-do could only divert the sword with his every move slowly leaving him a bit more behind. A spinning slash, trying to move away from the possessed assault of the Demon God, was stopped after having barely begun, his left wrist all but gone from the feedback. Wounded and terrified, he went in for a last ditch move, set so that if he was killed then he could at least cleave off the arm if not head of his opponent. But he was stopped when the blond Monstrosity of Vengeance batted his blades and flew between them, painting a red dot right between the eyes of his still breathing foe. But to the enemy of our hero, things were far worse than he imagined, for his eyes were drawn down the blade to a gate, forged from blackened and charred iron. It opened and revealed 10,000 arms while it whispered:

"_Through me you pass into the city of woe:  
Through me you pass into Eternal Pain:  
Through me among the people Lost for Aye.  
Justice the founder of my Fabric moved:  
To rear me was the task of Power Divine,  
Supremest Wisdom, and Primeval Love.  
Before me things Create were none, save Things  
Eternal, and Eternal I endure.  
All Hope abandon, ye who enter here."_

And as the whispering ceased, the soul of Chi Su-do was ripped apart and drawn into the gate by the hands while his body was drawn into the blade of our hero.

"Yet another falls before Nashisuki," said Naruto, who then placed the blade back in its scabbard and walked away. (RC: You didn't explain why the sword can't be sealed!) (I thought it was obvious. If the tailed demons like Kyuubi for the most part can't be sealed in inanimate objects, then a blade like Nashisuki can't just be locked in ink.) (RC: Why's that?) (It summoned the Gates of Hell itself! If that isn't a sign of power, what is?) (ACM: And that, peoples, is overpower-ed weaponry in action!) (Fuck you. Anyways, sorry for the abuse of Dante there; I've been reading his work and this came. Oh, and to whoever can guess where I got the base idea for the winged wolf on Nashisuki, you get an OC. I know I offer these a bit too often, but you need to understand just how many meat-shields and living targets this fic needs.) (AOvM: Yes, just as I want all you readers to be MY meat-shields! Together, I can rule those pathetic masses you all are! KYAHAHAHAHA!) (AOtM: Dude, don't call them meat-shields. The correct term is expendable characters!) (All of you, get back in my head or I let Tobi out of his box!)

Meanwhile, halfway from Oto border to Otogakure

It had been hour's sense they found out the base they were going to investigate was empty, and they had to take this chance to find out all they could about the snake's forces. They were hot, tired, and annoyed by the endless stamina of the ANT-based druggy.

"Hey dude-men, I know a short cut from here to one of Oto's bases," said Shichishou.

"Oh? Then where is it?" asked Kurenai, fed up with the drug addict.

"This way, follow me!" he said, jumping out of the clearing… and into a tree, before recovering and this time going _around_ the tree this time while Kurenai face-palmed herself.

Meanwhile, in the tent Hinata entered

"Hi! Welcome to the tent, Tsuki-chan!" said a cheerful Guardian, her scarlet eyes glittering.

"Greetings. Thanks for taking me in. You didn't have to, you know," said Tsukuyomi, bowing slightly to the pale-skinned psychic.

"Think nothing of it. I rather like the company, and you need it. Trust me," the green haired woman said, smiling lightly.

"Thanks. You know, you seem a lot different than Shikamaru-san said," she commented.

"I'm only like that on the clock. So, want to do anything in a bit? I have a few cartons of eggs and a map of all the Konoha Councilmen's homes," she said, smiling a mischievous smile that looked rather unsuited to her face.

"I'm in!" said Tsukuyomi, beginning a wondrous friendship.

**Me: And that's a wrap! Now to apologize, I'm sorry this took so long and that I've been neglecting my other works. This one just deserves its title as flagship and high school sucks up a LOT of time. But high school is still awesome. I recently joined the movie/game/anime club. It rocks! My studies are going well, particularly in psychology, and the teachers are (for the most part) awesome at old BHS. But I can't entirely excuse myself via school. Lately I've been going through every anime known to man, just for the challenge, and I can't stop!!! I've seen the bloody, although I already watched that, I've seen the futuristic, I've seen the medieval, I've seen the strange, and I've seen the "so strange you can't stop watching once you get sucked in" and yet I still have an Exabyte of anime to go through!**

**ACM: Dude, you're turning this into a blog, you know.**

**Me: SHUTUP! Anyway, I have an actual problem related to the fic: I need a beta, as my temporary beta is sick of dealing with me. If you think you could take the job and have an actual beta account, just R&R with that in the text! Oh, and to The Me Who Is Me, I've put up some data on me in my profile. I tend to keep my text gender neutral so it's not a five paragraph spiel of blood or an equally long description of a characters shoes. Well, that sums it up!**

_**Forever or Never,**_

_**-InfinityorNone**_


	7. Learning the Ropes

**Me: Hello world, hello sky, hello…**

**Tobi: *pops head out of ground* Bazinga! *Pops back in ground***

**Me: *Tries, and fails to hit Tobi with a sledge hammer* DAMNIT! Who taught him the Head Hunter Jutsu?**

**Tobi: *pops head out of ground* Bazinga! *Pops back in ground***

**Me: *Tries to hit Tobi again, and fails* Fucking dammit!**

**Shiki: C'mon! It's funny!**

**Me: Yeah? Well you get your left eye ripped out in chapter 31.**

**Tobi: *pops head out of ground* Bazinga! *Pops back in ground***

**Me: GAUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Konoha Kage Tower, 9:24:07

"Tsunade-sama, you have a visitor," said Shizune, having ducked her head into her leader's office.

"Who is it?" Tsunade said, while thinking something along the lines of _'If it's another moron from the council, I swear I'll do something that'd make Orochimaru proud!'_

"I'm not really sure. Says his name is Rasen Kattou. He bears the mark of the ANT," she said.

"Send him in," Tsunade said, carelessly waiving her hand while expecting some pathetic messenger or something bureaucratic.

Konoha Kage Tower, other side of the door

"Tsunade-sama has agreed to see you," said Shizune, while motioning to the red-head.

"Very good, I actually expected some hassle in this," he said, standing up from the chair he was sitting in, before a pair of ANBU Shunshin-ed in front of him.

"Sir, I'm afraid we have to take that sword at your waist. Security precautions," said one ANBU, his voice even for the most part, but with a small crack as he said 'security precautions' giving him away.

"And I'm afraid this sword has to stay with me at all times," said our hero, his fingers twitching.

"In that case, I'm afraid we'll have to stop you as a potential enemy of the state," said the other ANBU, with a small mark on his mask wavering slightly as he drew his kunai.

"And here I thought this would be boring," Kattou said, before he seemed to warp in front of the ANBU and punched them both through the twin doors to their leaders office.

"What the Hell is going on?!?" shouted Tsunade, a tad more than annoyed at the destruction of the office's doorway, although admittedly only because of the paperwork it would cause and the fact that Shizune could now see in when she was chugging sake like a college student going through that most Sacred and Holy Rite of Passage, 21 for 21.

"Hokage-sama, this man refuses to disarm himself and is therefore a threat to the village," said one of the 'ANBU' in an emotionless monotone, made all the more impressive by the fact his trachea was listing a good inch and a half to the left.

"In all honesty, you did ignore the fact that you shouldn't even be attacking someone with diplomatic immunity," said Kattou.

"ANBU, identify yourselves," said Tsunade, before the two ANBU looked to each other and jumped to attack the Hokage, their masks forehead section shimmering and revealing the ROOT mark… before the Slug Sannin powdered their heads with a punch.

"Now that that unpleasantness is taken care of, you wanted to see me, Tsunade-sama?" asked Kattou, a devilish smirk ghosting over his face.

"Yes, I requested the presence of the leader of the Arashi no Tensei. You're him?" she said/asked, slightly surprised by both his looks and the fact he actually came himself. Crimson hair tipped with silver set in a 3 foot pony tail, mako green eyes, (Yes, I realize that mako doesn't exist in Naruto's world, but this is partly for the reader to) and sharpened canines with a height of 6'5" and slightly tapered ears, alongside his brilliant scarlet duster cloak with the X-cross done in silver thread. Tsunade was sure she'd heard the description of him somewhere, but she just couldn't remember. Kami-sama, she was just too old for this job.

"Of course, it would be rather disrespectful to send someone in my place to speak to a client once they hire the Arashi no Tensei," he said, taking a seat on the unbroken chair in the room.

"Of course, but enough pleasantries. I have a few matters to discuss with you," said Tsunade, her hands set together.

"Such as?" asked Kattou, eyebrows raised.

"For one thing, the payment you received for your services has drained our economy almost as much as direct war would," she said, rather irked at the fact that costs in the village had been driven sky high due to the sudden loss of liquid assets.

"And so?" asked Kattou, playing dumb.

"It would be very helpful if you tried pouring some of your funds into the village," said Tsunade.

"We have. I myself have already dumped a good 5000 ryou into a local restaurant, and if you need more evidence we're trying to arrange a deal with the Aburame for some of their spiders silk cloth," said Kattou amiably.

"Spider silk?" questioned Tsunade.

"Has a tensile strength three times that of steel. If that doesn't beat ninja wire cloth, nothing will. Now then, if you have nothing more to ask me about for the time being, I have a previous engagement," said Kattou before starting out the door, before he turned and said, "Oh, and I have a question: how'd you like me and my men to take a crack at Danzou's men? This is the second time in three days they've tried to off me and it's starting to grate on my nerves."

"Of course! Take as many of those traitors out as you want!" said Tsunade, cackling with glee at this.

"Very well. In that case, my soldiers and I will attack at 20:00 hours. Till then?" he said, before he seemed to dissolve out of existence, almost as if he had never been there at all.

Arashi no Tensei Camp, 10:03:44

The camp was quiet, but then again, they were ninjas. Being quiet was kind of their game, assuming they were of human-ish strength and wanted to live. But at the moment the camp itself isn't where we're looking. No, that title belongs to the arena created in chapter 2, where we find the Taichou, Kattou, and a good 3rd of the ANT assembled to watch as the division for the newest member to join, although this was probably because Kattou had recruited her personally and people tended to have a vested interest in keeping their leader happy. That and it looked good for her if said leader just wanted to hit that.

"People of the Arashi no Tensei! I'm glad you all showed up in support of our newest member!" shouted Kattou, arms over his head as he spoke to his soldiers.

"Um, Kattou-kun? Not that I don't like the attention, but why are they all gathered for just me?" asked Tsukuyomi quietly.

"Gossip travels faster than any jutsu; our resident band probably spread the word," whispered Kattou, before he shouted, "Now, let's begin!"

"Begin what?" asked the silver-haired woman.

"We actually don't have a good review of your skills at the moment; in addition to the information gap caused by you coming from Konoha, your skills tend to change when you get the seal to join the ANT. This is merely our way of seeing which division you belong in. To do this, we have you fight one of the Taichou. What was your specialty in your last life?" said/asked Raiden.

"I was a tracker, but I can't really use the Byakugan at the moment for some reason. But other than that, I did mostly use taijutsu," said Tsukuyomi.

"In that case, I shall be your opponent," said Raiden, before tossing away his trench coat while the other Taichou vanished to the stands to take their seats, with the exception of Kattou, who was to act as referee. Thus began their match.

Alright peoples! Let's bring in the music: _GO!!!_ by FLOW. I know it's an intro song for the series, but I just don't care.

The two fighters started off by jumping to opposite sides of the arena; Raiden to force her to make the first move, Tsukuyomi to try and ready herself. After thinking she knew what move would best work, she carved her way to her opponent quickly, chakra swirling around her hands while she tried to launch a Juuken strike, although her form was off and she actually tripped when Raiden simply held out his foot. Our protagonist tried again with a standard Juuken strike designed to render the right arm useless, but actually missed. By a LOT. Oddly enough, her chakra control was still perfect, better than normal, actually. Although, for some reason, instead of lashing like water like it normally would, it seemed almost blade-like, sharp actually.

"The definition of insanity is doing the exact same thing and expecting a different result. Try a different tactic if you want to win. Don't want my future in-law-in-law looking weak," taunted/advised Raiden, before kicking her in the gut and launching her across the arena.

"Tsukuyomi-chan! Don't go with your training! Just go with what feels natural!" shouted Guardian of all people, causing most of the crowd to stare toward the Taichou box for a moment. But her words did their job.

With renewed confidence, the amethyst eyed kunoichi dropped the Juuken stance, instead adopting something closer to the Suiken Ryuu but more formal while using palm and finger-tip strikes instead of fists. Raiden, seeing the inherent superiority in this stance, settled into his real stance, the Maiken Ryuu, before they clashed again. It wasn't much of a fight, being more of two people swinging their arms at each other and ducking away without contact, with the occasional jab or slash to make things interesting. That is, until on a whim, Hinata decided to spin the chakra around her hands, creating what looked like braided ribbons of razor sharp sheet-metal around her hands. Sensing an advantage, she lunged forward, swinging at Raiden while simultaneously contorting herself to flow around a temple strike from Raiden. While she didn't actually hit the silver-haired shinobi, she did something far more impressive: she sliced through a panel of his armor, small patterns of cuts dancing alongside her slash.

"Sir, I'm afraid I won't be able to test her adequately without killing her if this new development means anything. I request we send in Hayai Senkou in my place," the White Devil of a ninja told Kattou.

"Go for it," Kattou said. At that, there was a flash of royal light as a small hole in reality appeared in the center of the arena, before the pyrite blonde dropped out of it while his white haired compatriot left the arena.

"Finally! I finally get a match-up for an intro test! This is actually my first, you know?" said the pyrite blonde.

"Why?" asked the moon-lit woman.

"Something about 'impossible to touch' and things like that. What I know right now, though, is I'm your proctor, so let's begin!" he said, before he vanished and reappeared 2 feet in front of her, launching a punch.

Now for a change of song! Bring on… CARAMELLDANSEN!!!!!!!!! (Tobi: YAY! Caramel dance time!!! O o oa oa!) (Alternate Otaku Me: Bookyah!) *all start dancing*

The fight started off fast paced, with a direct teleport in front of our heroine, only for her to lash back with the ferocity of a pit viper while her opponent flashed away, before he struck again and starting a cycle. But, as things went, her strikes became faster, almost predictive and more accurate, actually cutting a single hair off Senkou's head.

Up in the Taichou's Box

"Is this bringing up a rush of _déjà vous_ in anyone else?" asked Shiki, eyes downcast as she attempted to remember.

"Yeah, it's almost like the time he sparred Uzi. The style's almost identical as well. If she were trained in it, she could possibly equal Raiden. What exactly did Uzi call his form before he left?" asked Tsuku.

"He called it the Ketaken Ryuu. The piercing fist," said Raiden haunted-ly.

Back in the Arena

The warping fight continued for some time, with Senkou having to remain in his opponent's chakra field and thus almost getting killed by a few javelin strikes from the Silver haired woman, but not for long. After managing a quick feint flicker warp before un-vanishing behind her, he gave Tsukuyomi a quick swipe through the knees and forced her into the wall with a reversed windmill before taking a stance on the opposite side of the arena, facing down the silver haired goddess, whose pupils had turned an interesting shade of purpled silver.

"Your eyes," Senkou started, "They see the chakra wells where I'm about to warp. It's simply prodigious! Not even your cousin, the 'prodigy' could with his Byakugan unfretted! Now let's get on to the real stuff! Senkou Houko!"

And then the two ran towards each other, and began fighting. Without moving a single square foot from where they met, the two threw strikes, swept with kicks, melted out of the way of attacks, and countered, all in the same movements. (ACM: What he's trying to communicate here is it would be like fighting while playing DDR.) (SHUT UP! If I weren't so busy caramel-dancing, I'd kick your ass for taking my job!) But the match soon grew more deadly as, with a small flare of chakra from the back of her neck, the ribbon blades upon Tsukuyomi's hands extended and lashed, almost eviscerating Senkou. But by that point, she'd lost control. Her silvered pupils swelled to coins and she simply continued to try to maul Senkou, who simply looked to Kattou while closely dodging.

"Do it," Kattou said, and Senkou nodded. And, while it looked like he was shattering in a set of lights, Senkou placed his palms to the floor and, with nothing but chakra, cut a gigantic seal out over the entire arena, before vanishing in saffron light. The last thing Tsukuyomi would remember seeing would be bright, spiky, blond hair and adamant sapphire eyes.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Ta no Kuni

"This is a shortcut, HOW!?!" screamed Kurenai, pissed at their temporary team members 'bright idea.'

"Like, how was I supposed to know the monkey was lying?" asked Shichishou.

"Dear Icha Icha gods, hear my plea; I beg of thee, provide me with that most glorious of wonders that is your existence on this earth, brought to us by your messiah Jiraiya, or just kill me. Either works," prayed Kakashi, who then tripped and fell onto and broke a hollowed out stump, containing… Jiraiya's lost notebook!

"I'm not paid enough for this," muttered Asuma, before he continued trudging along with the rest of the group.

**Me: And that is a wrap! Sorry this took so long; my muse has been busy with so many things that this kind of took a back seat. So have all the other works I officially plan on serializing. Life seems to LOVE sucking up a lot of time. Anyways, I lack the ability to do art for this, so if anyone wants to try, they can. P.S, WOOT, I GOT DANTE'S INFERNO! DIVINE EDITION! WOOT! I'm done now.**

**P.P.S, I ave a message to two people:**

**Shinigami-Sensei: What in Flying Blue Monkey Hell? How the Hell did you guess so many of the taichou? I know that Kaze was a bit obvious, and I just revealed Senkou, (Although his name should have given it away) but this is just prodigious! Either you're clairvoiant, or a mind reader, and I kill mind readers who guess me. P.S, you got Guardian wrong, made no guess on Raiden or Shiki, although one is an OC in this fic, got Shichishou wrong, although he's a pure OC, and got Daraku wrong (Also a pure OC), although one of your guesses for Genkaku was right. To those of lesser sherlockian deductive skills, all but 3 of the Taichou are just regular characters under new identities.**

**EDelta88: I actually looked up my line "CURSE YOU, CRUEL ICHA ICHA GODS!" and your thread on funny quotes came right up. Thanks for spreading my fame. But I warn thee, the Icha Icha gods are not to be triffeled with.**


	8. END

** Greetings my fellow otaku. Look, I'm not going to sugar coat things here, now or ever. My inspiration for this fic is dying, and not likely to return quickly or easily. I created this fic long ago, back in the era where people were still trying to get over the death of Itachi and the name Minato was still unknown to plenty of the American and European fandom. It was a time where Kishimoto was considered a Sasuke-loving asshole, but still spoken of with a slight respect. Nowadays, the series is dying, Naruto is seeming to get constantly weaker, Sasuke is becoming the series focus as the antichrist, and anyone with the Sharingan has all the signs of a sign of a canon sue. That said, I can only think of continuing my fic **_**Naruto, the Cloaked Schemer**_** because of the fact of it being an X-Over and can barely hold this fic up in my most optimistic of moments, and I happen to be a cynic. I'm actually thinking of leaving behind the Naruto writing and moving on to other anime, like Gurren Lagaan or Bleach or Inu Yasha or whatever. Because of this, I'm going to do the following things: First, I'm putting this fic up for adoption (with possible updates from me, although they're not likely), with the condition that I be Pm-ing them with things and they listen to what I say. Second, I'm going to include a short version of how the fic would go if continued. Enjoy this small gift, I hope that one of you or someone you know can continue this. WARNING! The following people are currently NOT allowed to take over this fic without having a draft at least approved by me: Kyuubi16, VFSnake, 10 Commandments, ZenoNokyuubi, or The Fifth Rider Of Armageddon.**

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and don't even WANT Naruto anymore after what Kishimoto has done with it. Hell, I used to like the Uchiha clan to the point of writing an essay defending them, but not anymore.

Short Version of the Story

As Shichishou and group try to spy on Oto, they are attacked, forcing Shichishou to unseal himself, revealing his true form as Shinra, the Seventh in a line of Seventh Sons and, using pure ninjutsu and a special function of chakra for him, manages to fight off a full 125 men before he's beaten by Uzi, the real 3rd Taichou and leader of the 11th, before they return to Konoha and reveal this. Meanwhile, in Konoha, the ANT start their raid on the ROOT, a full 150 against 300 in a labyrinth (I mean a literal maze here) hidden under Konoha. After a long fight set to the tune of _Combat_ by Flobots, with the underground fighting causing extensive damage to the civilian sector, the last surviving ROOT manages to set off an explosive trap, and the entire raid party only saved by the actions of Kaze, who reveals herself to actually be Temari. Meanwhile, by which I mean a good few hours ago, Tsukuyomi wakes up in the hospital, where she learns that Senkou is actually Minato Namikaze, brought back from the dead via an artificial body and his soul, which was sealed along with the Kyuubi inside Naruto. Tsukuyomi also learns that the power she used earlier was a partial unsealing of her old self, something most of the ANT have to train for months to do.

The next day, Shichishou and the Jonin arrive, and reveal the truth of Uzi and his defection in a debriefing with Kattou and Tsunade. This then leads to a long tactical discussion of warfare capabilities and the nature of Uzi, a jack-of-all trades shinobi. This also leads to a flashback of Naruto's journal that most of my fans probably forgot about, where we learn of Naruto's depression and sealed intelligence along with the basis of a plan to form his own village. As the day ends, we meet Aiko, Kattou's daughter. We also see Anko join the ANT after learning that Daraku is actually the son of Orochimaru.

We then Timeskip a few weeks and learn two things: the impending assault of a unit lead by Uzi, and of the ANTs highly epicurean pre-fight party tradition. This time, the party is a cross-dressing party, originally intended to solely be a vehicle to convey a "Neji looks girly" joke (it goes something like "sorry miss, the club is holding a costume party. Come back later dressed as a guy and we'll let you in." "I AM a guy!" "No, you're not."). At the party, during a re-tool of _There She Goes_ by Sixpence None the Richer, Guardian has a drunk make-out scene with Hinata, revealing the lonely life of a telepath. (ACM: InfinityorNone: providing plot-relevant fanservice sense 1994!)

During the fight, we get to see a minor invasion of Hi no Kuni, establishing a firm foothold before some of the Konoha elite and a main body from the ANT arrive, beginning a scene of combat set to _The Hell Song_ by Sum 41. In this fight, we see much ass-kicking, with a nice chunk of the Oto forces taken out by Ex-Taichou Muga, who uses glass as his weapon (guess who he really is.) This, though, is only the cake, with the frosting being the fight with Uzi, who manages to take out Genkaku, who revealed herself to really be Yakumo who defected from Konoha 4 years ago. This, though, is where Kattou comes in and, with the help of Daraku, manages to subdue Uzi after he once more becomes Zero (pronounced Zay-low), an escaped and heavily modified clone of Minato. We also learn that Raiden is actually Hatake Jakku, cousin of Kakashi, born to the sister of Sakumo, after she left the village to follow her beloved; a man from Kumo and they settled down in Ame, where they were both killed while Raiden was 7.

Upon return to Konoha, several dozen ANBU try to arrest members of the ANT and "reclaim stolen Konoha property," I.E, kidnap Uzi and Genkaku. These ANBU are quickly killed and Konoha lashes out with public outcry over this. Meanwhile, during a furious debate with the council and Hokage, Kattou learns that there actually WAS something in the water. A mild hallucinogen, causing delusions of grandeur and aggression as well as suppressing the survival instinct was placed in the council's water, resulting in the grand stupidity of them all. Unfortunately, while trying to find out who was causing the druggings, all they could learn was the color red featured prominently in the servants last memories. We also finally see Sasuke, now a competent, manipulative, intelligent, and crafty man who has managed to hone his chakra to near Kage levels, has almost 1000 jutsu on hand, and is a top candidate for top shinobi. We first see him returning from a mission in Kiri, and failing to create an alliance. Upon his return, we learn of a long-standing vendetta between Tsuku and Sasuke, all because Tsuku managed to assassinate a man Sasuke was hired to protect.

A month or so later, Oto is prepping to attack. Meanwhile, we get to learn more about the origin of Aiko, born from the rape of a prophetic miko and given life through the seed of Naruto. Also, we find out that Guardian, now re-named Hogoshako, and Uzi are engaged, having skipped the dating stage entirely. We then find that Orochimaru summoned from the dead one Kushina Uzumaki, who, after a fight with Minato (not Senkou) is defeated and given a new body and a real life via the powers of Necromancy and Science via Shiki and Daraku. We also learn that Shiki is really Sasame Fuma Uzumaki, actually being the twin of Naruto and separated at birth. (ACM: Soap opera much?) (Fuck you.)

Finally comes the invasion by Oto. In this section, we essentially have all the Taichou, at one point or another, unseal themselves, and meet more of the Ex-Taichou, like Moka, AKA Hidan, and get to see things like an army of the living dead fighting off an army of anthromorphized fish, and see more of the ANT fighting. This is also where we see the depravity of Orochimaru, having brought back from the dead the Rokudou Sennin himself, along with his descendant, Pain. With the help of his summoned minions, he manages to kill Tsunade and a great many Konoha shinobi while also crippling others, such as Jiraiya. He is then stopped, though, after Kattou arrives and, by transforming into Naruto, kills three of the most powerful shinobi to ever live and makes sure Orochimaru never returns via his Hell-summoning sword, and with the help of Kinko, the daughter of Nagato and Konan. (ACM: Alright, you'd have to have INSANE skills to pull this off without Gainaxing it.) (Hey, it doesn't seem to be that much of a stretch after 30+ chapters to think I could get this to work!) (ACM: So you say, so you say.)

A few bloody months after the invasion, during which time they almost annihilate a Iwa, the ANT come to collect their money, but the village refuses and, under the helm of the Rokudaime Hokage, Sasuke Uchiha, they try to instead take the Arashi no Tensei prisoner. This, though, doesn't work out and the ANT retaliates, pillaging and burning as the gigantic 1 on the monument turns to a zero, revealing it was all predicted. Thus, we see the village fight to keep the money it promised the ANT, with the first half of the fight set to _Animal I Have Become_ by Three Days Grace and the second half set to _O Fortuna_. During the vast battle across the village, we find Sasuke and Kattou fighting, and Kattou is forced to become Naruto once more. We then learned that Sasuke has been pulling the strings around the village, orchestrating all sorts of events, including drugging the council, to get Naruto to return to Konoha and so that Sasuke could kill him and take ultimate power of the village at the same time. During the fight, Sasuke manages to drink a vial of holy blood, giving him the innate strength to counter Naruto, who is forced to transform into a demon form to counter. Sasuke, though, manages to place the two into a stalemate with a vial of holy blood thrown upon Naruto. But, just as Sasuke was about to use Sakura as a human sacrifice to the Shinigami to kill Naruto, Sasuke is impaled upon an arrow shaft to the spine, rendering him paralyzed, before Aiko, currently in the form of Muzai, and Itachi come and end the life of Sasuke. After a few more hours, Konoha surrenders.

We last look in several years later, where Kattou is the leader of his own village, Tsukuyomi is carrying his 3rd child, and all is well. The world is still filled with strife, but they could live with that. All that mattered was that they lived at the moment and they were happy.

Q&A

I decided to also answer some of the questions that people probably have about the fic. I'm not going to bother with asking my reviewers what they want to know, so I'm predicting questions here.

Q1: What torture did Ibiki inflict on Ino?

A1: I figured that, sense she valued her figure so much, but also valued romance, that she'd be tortured with a seal that leaves her forever unable to burn off extra mass. This means that she can either have children, or keep that hourglass she's been working so hard for.

Q2: How did Kattou/Naruto get to summon salamanders?

A2: He was the one who, with the help of his companions at the time, found the diamonds in Ame. Hanzo, not being a total dick to someone who helped out his country, rewarded them each with one jutsu from his library. Naruto chose his summons. Little did they realize at the time, but the salamanders have strong memories, and managed to teach Naruto most of Hanzo's jutsu.

Q3: Do you hate Lee? Why else would you have him get his ass kicked so badly?

A3: I actually like Lee, but he's insanely strong. It's a simple rule that at such high levels of strength, there is no such thing as a small wound. With Lee's strength and gates and such, a hole through his lung would probably just hinder him for a bit, so I was forced to render him in such a condition that it would leave lesser men dead.

Q4: Was the evil monkey relevant to the plot?

A4: No. Stop asking.

Q5: Be honest for a moment: did you rip this off that fic by Sin of Existence?

A5: I've not heard of Sin of Existence until I published the second chapter of this fic. In fact, I've been searching all over the net for a copy of The Nine so I can see how it lines up with my fic. Hell, I'd even go for an abridged version of it right now!

Q6: How in Blue Monkey Hell did Sakura become Tsunade's apprentice?

A6: The council, with the Daimio's blessing, made a law that all elite shinobi must pass on their style and not just drop the apprentice. Tsunade held auditions and accepted a kunoichi with swirly brown hair and blue eyes as her apprentice. After a month, Tsunade managed to notice the genjutsu.

Q7: Where did you get the idea for the ANT symbol?

A7: Actually, this one has a bit of a story behind it. You see, a bit before I started writing this fic, I read the manga Uzumaki. I was freaked out by it, and left paranoid by it for a while, but I embraced the spiral motif entirely, and made it my own (Hell, I even went around with spirals drawn on my hands and nails for a while to show my support.). Later, while I was trying to come up with a symbol for the ANT that was a bit more complex than a simple spiral (at the time, the original symbol idea was a pair of spirals who's ends link to form an arrowhead or heart) I started playing the game MapleStory (Judge not lest yea be judged.). Anyways, while I was playing it, I got an item called the Red Cross Earrings, and decided they looked really cool. I then started off with a simple spiral made of crosses, but that looked like shit. I then saw something in my art class at the time that looked cool: an 8 point star, with its axies offset, almost spiraling around each other. I got out of class and immediately got to my computer the moment I got home and made a basic version of this, but in an exaggerated X shape. This, though, looked like shit, and wouldn't fit the profile image. I immediately began tinkering with it until I got the crosses to a length that I liked. Thus, it was born and I have sense adopted it as my own personal symbol instead of a pair of lightning bolts. If I ever get published, just look for the X-Crosses.

Q8: Where did you get the idea for Guardian?

A8: I used to be really into Pokemon to the point of obsession. Just look up #282.

Q9: Did you steal Alicia from Alicia Kawa Uchiha?

A9: Actually, I asked for permission. I was trying to find a character to be Itachi/Tsuku's girlfriend, and I also needed a reason for him to be out of the way during Raiden's fight with Ketsuki. I then got around to reading the work of Leaf Ranger, and noticed her and the note of being a borrowed OC. One P.M. later, and Itachi has a GF!

Q10: Where DID you get the helmet design from?

A10: Any of you ever seen Code Geass?

Q11: Why do you use military time?

A11: My old school councilor was an ex-marine. I got to used to it.

Q12: Are the Icha Icha Gods real?

A12: Oh yea of little faith, the Icha Icha Gods, blessed be they, are as real as any other. The Icha Icha gods, though great, are shunned by the great many, just as the gods of yore were shunned by the people of now. Holy art the Icha Icha Gods, for they know the hearts of men and give unto all of us the gift of creation. Yea shalt beware, though, for the Icha Icha gods protect their flock with force none may match.

Q13: What the Hell was happening to Liv when she tasted Itachi's blood?

A13: You don't want to know. And if you think you can guess, then you're probably right.

Q14: What's up with the Kage Bunshin Squad?

A14: I was actually planning on having them be a way to set the mood for a section of the story, with their music a way of doing that. Also, they're great at parties!

Q15: What was the symbol Danzou left on the prison wall?

A15: If the people are the leaves, he heads the roots, and the village itself is the trunk, what does that leave? _The fruit_. Danzou was going to team up with Orochimaru and kidnap all the children in the village and, after betraying Orochimaru, use them as an even better personal army and slowly take over the world, building his forces from birth up. Unfortunately for him, Orochimaru uses him to summon the Rokudou Sennin.

Q16: Where did you get the winged wolf?

A16: the sword smiths of the Rhineland once stamped their blades with a wolf. This is my homage to them.

Q17: I give; what does Nashisuki mean?

A17: Loveless. I loved Crisis Core that much.

Q18: What would Naruto's demon form look like?

A18: This is actually something that took me a while to decide upon. I was originally going to have it be some living skeleton monster thing with ligaments holding it together, but I decided that wouldn't work. Then I came up with the idea of an amalgam of beast and bird upon human stance, but I realized that would suck. After a while, I gave up until I learned of Flatland and the sphere, which is when I had an idea. Naruto's demon form is 4 dimensional, as in it sort of… folds… with every movement. It appears at first glance as a human composed of greasy black armor and chitin, until you see him move. The thing is, you only ever see about 10-15 percent of it at a time because of the whole 'exists beyond normal reality' thing. It also allows for some pretty cool things, like a punch that suddenly has a 15-foot-long claw extend out of it, or his head distorting to a gaping, carnivorous maw. He's no mere monster; he's a humanoid abomination unlike all others.

**Anyways, that's it. I'm done with this. Kishimoto is dead to me and I will write this no more forever. I might continue my other work and I'm still going to read Naruto fan fiction, but I'm not going to do anything new with it or, if I do, I'll pretty much disregard shippuden as non-canon. 'Sides, Serial Experiments Lain and Gurren Lagann only have 200-something fics and Battle Angel only has **_**24**_** total! C'mon people, other series need love too! Anyways, this fic is now dead. D-E-A-D, dead. If you learn it's been updated, that's me giving the news of someone adopting it. That said and done, I'm off. My copy of Armored Core For Answer won't play itself, and I might accidentally find someone **_**good**_** online to fight.**


End file.
